


You died screaming, yet the monster that took your place was silent.

by TheGentleArtOfMakingEnemies



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Deceit Sanders, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood, Blood and Gore, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Deceit Sanders Being an Asshole, Fluff and Angst, Full Shift Werewolves, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Magic, Major Character Injury, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Omega Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Sad Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Werewolf Mates, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21991315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGentleArtOfMakingEnemies/pseuds/TheGentleArtOfMakingEnemies
Summary: Time slowed as the four of them watched each other completely dumbfounded. And then like a pebble disrupting a still and quiet lake one of the boys pulled back his lips into a snarl, breaking the spell. Reality crashed back over Anxiety like a tsunami and suddenly he couldn't breathe at all.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 301
Kudos: 478





	1. Feelings are fatal

**Author's Note:**

> Omegas are able to sense their mates the moment they meet them but alphas can only sense their mate once their heat starts. 
> 
> A spark is a magical ability werewolves are born with. Each person only has one spark. 

_____________________________________

_I'm happy for you_

_I'm smilin' for you_

_I'd do anything_

_For you_

_It's always for you_

_____________________________________

It hurts to see them, but yet it hurts more to go without. He has to wonder what horrendous crime he must have committed to have earned such a punishment as this. To be able to see his true mates but to never be able to reach them. Anxiety can't quite remember how long ago it had been since he had first noticed them, he supposes he must have been twelve or thirteen. Yet he remembers what it was like, to see them across the clearing that very first time. His heart had stopped, delayed as the world itself clicked into its proper place. He had felt as if a part of him had been missing, something he hadn't even known was gone. And suddenly he was whole. 

He had stumbled out into the open almost as if gravity had suddenly changed and pulled him into the direction of his mates. The three alphas had looked up and made eye contact with him for the first time. 

Time slowed as the four of them watched each other completely dumbfounded. And then like a pebble disrupting a still and quiet lake one of the boys pulled back his lips into a snarl, breaking the spell. Reality crashed back over Anxiety like a tsunami and suddenly he couldn't breathe at all. 

When he was finally able to push a deep breath in through his nose he caught the scent. He could smell each of them but most importantly he could smell the pack they belonged to. 

The Sol pack. 

The growling alerted him that they too knew his lineage. The Luna pack. 

Two of the boys were growling and baring their fangs at him now. 

Two angry alphas. He was outnumbered and definitely out matched. 

Now would be a good time to run but he couldn't convince his legs to move. His whole body was frozen. 

In a last ditch effort he called upon his spark and used it on his soulmates. 

He knew it worked when they began to look around confused. His power wasn't very useful in a fight but it helped in situations like this, he could twist someone's senses to convince them of an illusion he created. This time it was simply that he wasn't there. 

"Did he just?" One of the boys asked. He was wearing a white button up with a red sash across his torso. He was the first to start growling at him.

"You made him run away, that wasn't very nice." The smallest of the three boys scolded. He was wearing a light blue sweater and his glasses were slightly askew on his face. 

"He didn't _'run away'_ Patton, he literally teleported out of here." The boy yelled in response. 

_Patton._ So that was the name of one of his mates. 

"Enough. Arguing over this is futile. This is no time for bickering like children." The third boy chimed in, his voice monotone. He had a dark button up shirt with a navy blue tie around his neck. 

"You scared him! Of course he teleported away! He could have been our new friend, Roman and you ruined it." Patton yelled angrily completely ignoring the attempt to stop the argument. 

_Roman_ laughed loudly. 

"Don't be daft, he was from the Luna pack. We're all lucky he didn't kill us. They're all lunatics, you know that, Pat." 

"Oh." 

Patton looked back in Anxiety's direction and sighed. 

"Are you two done? We have to get back and it is quickly reaching nightfall." The third boy asked. 

"I agree, we should get out of here before he decides to come back." 

"Yeah sure, let's go Logan." 

Anxiety watched as his mates disappeared into the trees. 

Leaving him utterly alone. 

_____________________________________

  
  


_I'm always sad_

_And I'm always lonely_

_But I can't tell you_

_That I'm breaking slowly_

_______________________________________

  
  


He remembers sitting there for hours, alone in that clearing. 

He couldn't bring himself to get up. He felt so numb. So empty. 

Eventually Deceit found him. The snake like teen took one look at Anxiety's face and wrapped the boy into his arms. 

Just like that, everything came crashing back to him. The hatred on their faces. The words like poison that had dripped from their lips. 

_Lunatics._

_We're all lucky he didn't kill us._

Anxiety sobbed into Deciet's shoulder until he ran out of tears. Then he choked out the whole story. 

"They're never gonna see you as anything other than a monster." Deceit whispered as he trailed a finger along Anxiety's cheekbone collecting a tear that had landed there. 

"But that's okay, they don't deserve you anyway. You're too good for the likes of them." 

Anxiety looked deep into those snake like eyes and found an emotion he had never seen before. 

"Plus, if they want a monster we'll just have to show them what a real monster looks like, won't we?" 

After that day things changed between him and Deceit. 

It seemed like whenever felt like the world was ending Deceit was always there to pull him back from the edge. Every sleepless night and panic attack. He was there. 

And when Anxiety fell ill from bond rejection syndrome Deceit was there to nurse him back to health. 

And most importantly when Anxiety hated himself so much he couldn't breathe Deceit was there to remind him he was worth loving. 

The relationship between them formed without either of them noticing really. 

Anxiety knew that his mates would never feel anything for him but fear. But that was okay. Fear was better than nothing, right? He still goes to that clearing sometimes. Always using his spark to disguise himself, and watching them. They're always so happy. So care free. 

He hates how much his heart feels for them. 

He hates them. He hates them with everything he has. Until he is standing at the edge of the clearing. How could he feel anything close to hate as Patton catches a snowflake on his nose, or Roman demonstrates a new sword fighting skill he learned, or as Logan goes on some long winded rant about the importance of some random fact. 

Deceit doesn't mind that he still visits them. 

When he grows tired of playing pretend, he lets himself admit how much he truly loves them. Admits how he doesn't hate them, only himself for being a monster they could never love. 

He's standing at the clearing now. Watching them sit together and talk. 

Todays different however. Today he has a mission, a purpose for being here. 

A hand intertwines with his own and he looks over his shoulder into the eyes of Deceit. 

"It's going to be okay. Call up all of the pain they've forced onto you through the years." 

Anxiety feels it. Every heart break. Every night he cried himself to sleep. Every time he hated himself because he couldn't hate them. 

"Now go out there and show them exactly what a _lunatic_ looks like." He hisses into his ear. 

Deceit lays a gentle kiss under his eye and steps back. 

Anxiety takes a deep breath in. 

Exhales. 

Then he steps out past the trees into the soft grass of the clearing. 

  
  


_______________________________________

_I need to let go and I swear that I've tried_

_But opening up means trusting others_

_And that's just too much, I don't want to bother_

_So I'll keep it inside and bury it deep_

_I know it's not healthy,_

_but you won't hear a peep_

_Though I'm always sad and I'm always lonely_

_I could never tell you that I'm breaking slowly_


	2. This is home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A throaty growl permeates the air as Anxiety steps closer to the gathering of alphas. 
> 
> "Oh save it, princey" he snarls at the man. 
> 
> A look of confusion works its way across Roman's features for a moment before he regains his composure.

_____________________________________

  
  


_ Turn off your porcelain face _

_ I can't really think right now in this place _

_ There's too many colors _

_ Enough to drive all of us insane _

_____________________________________

Anxiety takes a deep breath in. 

Exhales. 

Then he steps out past the trees into the soft grass of the clearing. 

Three pairs of eyes look up at him. 

There is a moment where all four boys stare at each other before Roman pulls back his lips into a snarl. 

Virgil remembers the first time he stepped into this clearing and watched that look cross his mate's face. He remembers the way his soul had shattered inside his skin. 

He knows what to expect this time. He is no longer a scared child. Tables have finally turned. 

A throaty growl permeates the air as Anxiety steps closer to the gathering of alphas. 

"Oh save it,  _ princey"  _ he snarls at the man. 

A look of confusion works its way across Roman's features for a moment before he regains his composure. 

How confusing this must be for him, to have an omega not run at the sight of his stupid alpha posturing. 

Roman reaches to his side and unsheaths his sword and raises it threateningly at the omega in front of him. 

"Oh wow, this escalated rather quickly." Logan chimes in from his spot behind Roman. 

"You are trespassing, this is Sol territory. If you do not turn back I will be forced to remove you." Roman exclaims with a sense of bravado.

Anxiety rolls his eyes. 

"Must you be so dramatic? It's exhausting." He mutters, voice dripping with cynicism. 

Roman huffs and takes a step forward getting into fighting stance. 

Anxiety sighs loudly and uses his spark to make it appear as if the sword disappeared. He manipulates his senses so he can no longer see, hear, or feel the weapon in his hands. 

The man's fingers unclench and he stares bewildered down at his empty palms. When he finally looks up Anxiety locks eyes with him. Prolonged eye contact has a tendency to make Anxiety painfully uneasy but he keeps his eyes focused on the man in front of him. 

It's a tactic in declaring dominance, and he wants to make sure they know that even though he's an omega he is the one in charge here. 

He uses his spark to create an artificial fog that seeps in through the trees and layers across the grass of the clearing and a dark storm cloud that blocks out all sunlight. 

"I͎̲'̱m̦̙̖͚̭̱ ̟t͔ͅr̳e̞̫s͉̠̣̳͇̠̫p̪͎͚̫a̯͕̬̰ͅs̰̞̲̼̘͍ͅs̞̞͕̣i̯̱̙n̥̘̘͇g̬ͅ?̜ ̲͚̤̪̳Oh̺̫̙͖͎̜̲ ̥̪̝͕͉ͅͅr̘̖̜̪e̳̜̼̖a͇̩̝l͍͓̟͇̮̱͖l̹y͔̮̼̜̬?̪͕̟ ͖͚" his voice 

becomes gravelly and deep. 

"̟̟̟̖͚W̟͙̜̭̦̻͓e̪l̙͎l͉̙ ̥͙͔̟̬͎̗p͚̗̭͔ṛ̺̝͉̦̦i͇n̜̞͎̥c͉e͉̺̰̤y̟̮̪,͖̹̟͇͓ ̺I͖̞ ̪̝̣̖͉w͚̜ͅi̘̞̲̬̗̹l̹̲̙̖̮͖̖l͔̣͇̙ ͓͚̫͍̣͔͇g̫̙̤o͔ ̘̞̬̞̭w͇̰̗h͕e̙̟r͈̘e̼̠̠͇ve̺̞̹̗̫͇̮r̗̳̘͚̩ ̰̺̱̦͎I̟͉̜ ̫͇̯̬̱͔ḏ̖a̹m̞͕n̤̪͇̮̠ ̰̫̻̟̱̜ͅwe̼̹̟͓͕̣̙l͎̻̣͍l̘̘̯̳̻̲ͅ ̜̻̮p̖̳͍̲̝͍l͇͕̩̠̲͎̮e͇a͖̮s̪̦̠e͚͙̯̘͉͚̺.̫̖̳̫̞̳"

He watches as Princey's stoic expression gives way to fear. 

Anxiety's gaze lands on the two men behind him. Logan looks just as emotionless as ever but his breathing is fast and his hand is clutching Patton's tightly. 

His heart aches painfully inside his ribcage as he watches the fear gather like storm clouds in Patton's eyes. 

Why does it hurt? This is what he wanted, wasn't it? So why does it feel so wrong. 

**They're never going to see you as anything but a monster.**

_ But I don't want to be a monster.  _

**They aren't going to listen to you if they don't fear you.**

_ I know that! But why does it have to hurt so much?  _

He shakes his thoughts free from his skull and pulls back his lips into a snarl. He lets out a low menacing growl. 

Roman turns and runs, the other two quickly following. 

A bitter laugh drips from his throat as he picks up the sword from where his mate dropped it. 

_____________________________________

  
  


_ Get a load of this monster _

_ He doesn't know how to communicate _

_ His mind is in a different place _

_ Will everybody please give him a little bit of space _

_____________________________________

His body lowers to the ground still gripping the sword, knees hitting hard against the damp soil. 

He feels a hand wrap around his shoulder. 

"You did so well." Deceit hisses into his ear. 

"Did you see the way that pompous jerk ran off?" Deceit laughs. 

Anxiety can't bring himself to answer back. He managed to scare them away, he should feel ecstatic. He accomplished his mission. So why does he feel so defeated? 

"Come on, you know it was the only way." He says in a soothing voice as he drags a finger across his cheek catching a tear. 

Anxiety watches as the other man looks down at his wet finger in disgust. 

"Really? Your going to cry over those assholes?" Agitation flickers across his face. 

Deceit sighs loudly after getting no response turning his back and strutting off toward the woods. 

"You know where to find me when you're done throwing yourself a pity party." And with that he steps into the shadowy covering of trees. 

When Anxiety gets home that night he slips into bed next to Deceit as quietly as he can. 

The empty ache in his chest prevents him from sleep and he spends the whole night reliving the horrified looks of the people who are supposed to be his mates. 

_____________________________________

_ Get a load of this train-wreck _

_ His hair's a mess  _

_ and he doesn't know who he is yet _

_ But little do we know, the stars _

_ Welcome him with open arms _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a bit short but its effective? I dunno. The song I used in this is called this is home by Cavetown. If you've never heard it before you should definitely go check it out. Welp thank you all for reading.


	3. Talk to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wolf with glowing purple eyes raises it's head, the moonlight dancing across it's black fur giving it an otherworldly appearance.

______________________________________

  
  


_Anxiety tossing turning in your sleep_

_Even if you run away_

_you still see them in your dreams_

_It's so dark tonight but you'll survive certainly_

_It's alright, come inside, and talk to me_

_______________________________________

Anxiety sits quietly in bed listening to the sound of Deceit's calm and even breaths and watching the sun rise slowly through the window. 

When Deceit wakes and prepares himself for the day ahead, Anxiety pretends to be asleep. 

Tonight is the night of the full moon which means there is much work to be done today. He is already dreading it. He drags himself from the warmth of his bed and retrieves his hoodie from the ground where he dropped it the night before. He might as well get up he already knows he won't be able to force himself to sleep. He stumbles tiredly over to the mirror and applies dark eyeshadow below his eyes. 

When he's done he wanders into the mess hall. He looks up to where Deceit is sitting at the front of the large table. Anxiety's normal seat is still empty, does this mean he isn't mad about yesterday? But what if he is still angry but he saved Anxiety a seat because… he's distracted from his thoughts by a yellow gloved hand beckoning him over. 

He grabs an apple and stalks over and sits next to the alpha. The man reaches over and grips anxiety's hand in reassurance for a moment before he let's go and stands up. The entire pack goes quiet as they all look to their leader. 

"As you all know, tonight is the full moon, which means everyone will shift into their wolf forms until the sun comes up. So for those of you with children, please make sure they are locked away somewhere safe so they don't end up lost or hurt tonight." 

With that Deceit sits back down and people go back to chatting quietly. 

The full moon. 

Once a month all of them become a wolf. When he was a child he thought it sounded pretty cool until he learned that you lose all control over yourself and won't even remember it in the morning. Instead the _wolf_ takes over. 

The wolf is a more primal personality that lives within all of them. 

Anxiety can still remember the first time his wolf spoke to him. It was months after the first time he had met his mates, they had been on his mind a lot but he had yet to go back to that clearing. 

He had been out gathering supplies when a voice that wasn't his own sounded as if it had whispered in his ear. 

" _Go to them."_

He had whipped his head around but found himself to be utterly alone. He shook his head wondering if he was going crazy. Maybe it was only the wind? But yet it had certainly sounded like a voice. 

_"Worry not little pup, it is only me."_

"Who is out there?" He called into the frigid air trying and failing to keep the steadily growing fear from his voice. 

_"I'm you, well the more primal part of you. Your instincts, if you will."_

He remembered the stories his grandmother would tell him, stories of their pack and what being a werewolf would mean. 

"Are-are you my... wolf?" 

_"Yes, now do as I ask and go to them."_

"What do you mean?" 

_"Your mates. You have found them, yes? Why are you not with them?"_

"It's not that simple, they hate me." He replied back, and even months later it still stung like an open wound to admit it. 

_"One can not truly hate that which makes it whole."_

A noise of disgust escaped his throat. 

"Fuck off." He was tired and sad, and fed up with this obvious bullshit. After saying that he went to set off toward his pack only to find his feet carrying him in the opposite direction, toward the clearing. 

"What the fuck?" He cried out trying to force his feet to stop. 

"What part of fuck off did you not understand, wolf?" 

_"You may call me by my name."_

"Which is?" 

" _Vallen."_

When he looked up he was standing at the edge of the clearing looking out at the three boys playing in the wide open space. His heart began to ache in his chest. He shut his eyes tightly hoping to block out the pain that came with their image. 

_"They are right there. All you would have to do is take a few steps forward and you could be complete. You could be free from this hollow ache inside your bones."_

The image of their angry faces flashed behind his eyelids. 

His eyes flew open, he turned and fled back the way he came. Glad that his body seemed to be cooperating with him now. 

He didn't hear from Vallen again for weeks. 

  
  


A throat clearing brings him back to the present. He looks up from where he had been carving little crescent shaped dents into his apple with his nails. His eyes immediately lock with the omega sitting in front of him. Deceit's best friend. _Remus._

Let it be known that Anxiety has never and will never like Remus. 

Remus was an omega that had shown up in their territory when he was fourteen, he claimed to have been kicked out of the Sol pack and had no idea where else to go. Despite him having been a member of their enemies pack he was welcomed in. The leader of their pack at the time had seen it inhumane to turn a child away to likely die alone in the woods. 

Anxiety had been largely against him staying but Deceit had quieted his complaints with a gentle finger against his lips and told him in a soft voice. 

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend." 

Anxieties heart let's out a pang of grief, he can't help but long for the way things used to be between himself and Deceit. A time when every problem was met with gentle touches and soft voices. 

Ever since Deceit had claimed leadership of their pack things have been largely uneasy between the two. 

He knows his boyfriend is just stressed, the fate of the entire pack was rested upon his shoulders after all, but Anxiety can't help but feel unhappy. Deceit almost feels like a different person, nothing like the boy he used to be. Nothing like the boy Anxiety fell in love with. 

Even now, with the alpha sitting only a few inches to his right, he feels an irreparable distance between them. 

He realizes he's been staring directly into Remus's eyes this entire time, engaging in an unknowing staring contest with the man. He quickly adverts his gaze back down to the apple grasped tightly between his fingers. 

He loathes to admit it but Remus has always scared Anxiety a little bit. It seems like every time he looks at him the omega has this knowing smirk on his face, as if he knows something Anxiety doesn't. It's unnerving. 

He looks up again to find Remus making that exact face, while looking directly at him. Then the omega turns and engages into a conversation with Deceit. 

Anxiety stands up and throws his apple into a trash bin on his way out of the room, suddenly losing his appetite. 

  
  
  


_____________________________________

  
  


_I'll be here until you're okay_

_Let your words release your pain_

_You and I will share the weight_

_Growing stronger day by day_

_____________________________________

  
  


A wolf with glowing purple eyes raises it's head, the moonlight dancing across it's black fur giving it an otherworldly appearance. It's vision catches on the wolf in front of it, snake like eyes peer back at him. 

Vallen's teeth pull back into a snarl as he turns and stalks off into the woods surrounding their territory. He doesn't understand how his human form manages to love that creature, why does Anxiety buy into all of his obvious lies? 

The growl that tumbles from his throat as he enters the tree line is a warning not to follow him. He highly doubts any one would attempt it, they all know what happened the last time someone attempted to come after him. It takes only a few moments to reach his destination. He emerges from the trees at a dead sprint only to realize he is the last to arrive. Three other wolves look up at him from where they were basking in the moonlight by a small pond. He approaches them slowly, a small light brown wolf stands up and nuzzles against his neck, scenting him. The wolf pulls back and sneezes loudly, Vallen let's out a sound resembling a chuckle. He's sure the scent of Deceit still blankets his fur, even in this form. 

The wolf nuzzles against him more trying to cover the scent. After a minute of this Vallen pulls back, eager to greet the other two. He walks over to them and burrows into the side of the large dark brown wolf a minute later he feels the presence of the other two settle around him. 

He feels a sense of euphoria ease over him at having his mates so close. In this moment he knows nothing could go wrong, nothing terrible could possibly happen with the world so at peace. 

After only a minute the energetic white wolf stands up and starts hoping around, challenging them to play. Vallen growls playfully at him, he had just gotten comfortable. Soon the light blue eyed wolf was up as well chasing the other around the clearing. He looks over at Logan, who is watching them with adoration in his dark blue eyes. God he wishes he knew their true names so he could stop referring to them as their human's names. 

He stands up and stalks off in the direction of two of his mates. He can hear Logan grumble softly as he stands as well. They chase each other for awhile until Vallen ends up standing at the edge of the pond trying to catch his breath. Suddenly he feels something collide with him pushing him into the icy water. When he emerges he looks out only to see the white wolf making a repetitive snorting sound, which reminds him of laughter. 

He growls threateningly for a minute before jumping out and using his full body weight to push the laughing wolf into the pond. Roman's head rises from the water, his white fur matted down and a very angry look across his features making him look much like a drowned rat. Soon after they were all drenched and laying in the grass. Patton stood quickly and shook out his fur, flicking water all over them. 

Once everything had settled down he looked up at the slowly falling moon. Soon enough he would have to head home, knowing he wouldn't be able to see them again for another month. A low whimper left his throat. Then another. Pretty soon he couldn't stop whimpering. 

He raised his head toward the moon and howled, letting all of his frustration out. Frustration toward his human forcing distance between himself and his mates. Frustration toward Deceit. And most importantly frustration over being completely unable to communicate with the mates he loves with all his heart and soul. 

Patton placed his head on top of Vallen's applying a gentle pressure. Logan began nuzzling at his neck while Roman licked at the side of Vallen's face. 

He breathes in deeply and takes in the smell of home and safety. Even if all of those things are true, he's still with his mates _now_. And that's enough. 

He doesn't need to be able to talk to them to love them. 

As the moon slowly starts to disappear behind the horizon he watches his mates stalk off into the darkness, playfully biting each others ears. He longs to go with them but knows he must return home before he transforms back. He takes one final look around at the clearing before turning around and running through the trees. 

He lands in his bed mere seconds before the sun takes its complete form in the sky and the transformation over takes him. 

Anxiety wakes up in bed with wet hair and the smell of three different strangers clinging to his skin. Even though he's exhausted he climbs into the shower and rinses the smell off of him, and tries to ignore the distant sound of a wolf whining inside his head. 

_____________________________________

_It's so dark outside tonight_

_Build a fire warm and bright_

_And the wind it howls and bites_

_Bite it back with all your might_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually really like this chapter. I worked hard on it and I think it sounds nice. Though i guess some parts might be a little hard to understand? If you don't understand something please let me know I'll either try to explain or try to fix the chapter to where it explains better? The song I used in this chapter is called Talk to me by cavetown.


	4. Remembering Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His knees buckle and he falls to the floor, hands gripping his hair tightly, just trying to remember how to breathe. 
> 
> That how the other two find him, laying on the floor of their small kitchen crying and gasping for air.

_____________________________________

  
  


_Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling,_

_I'm calling at night_

_I don't mean to be a bother_

_But have you seen this boy?_

_He's been running through my dreams_

_And it's driving me crazy, it seems_

_____________________________________

There was something haunting about his eyes. Despite his best efforts Patton couldn't get the image of those dark irises out of his mind. An echo of a memory was calling to him, yet every time he reached for it, it dissipated like smoke. 

He's pretty sure that it was the first time he had ever truly seen the man. So why had he felt so familiar? 

Patton was becoming frustrated, he attempted to bring the topic up with his boyfriends but was quickly shut down, Roman had simply told him to forget about it, yet no matter how hard he tried he couldn't just let it go. 

He couldn't really blame him for not wanting to talk about it after that man had...attacked them in their clearing. Did he attack them? Was his intention to hurt them? Patton wasn't sure. After all he had just let them run away. They had managed to escape completely unscathed, aside from Roman's damaged pride. 

After that man had _threatened_ them in their clearing. That sounded better. After he threatened them Roman had tried to go home even though he was very obviously upset. Of course Patton couldn't allow that so after a couple of minutes of begging for Roman to just talk to them, he finally explained that he felt as if he had failed them. 

Ever since, _the incident_ had been a touchy subject between the three of them. 

It wasn't until a few weeks had passed that he finally remembered. 

It had been such an insignificant event. Patton had completely forgotten all about it, he had been fourteen or fifteen at the time, and had been out gathering supplies with his best friends. When they had stumbled upon a small clearing at the edge of the Sol territory. 

Patton felt his lips upturn at the corners remembering how much Logan had protested them exploring the clearing. He kept telling them that they had no time for goofing off, he had been so adamant about following the rules back then. 

Roman had marched off into the tall grass despite Logan's objections, and after looking around for a few minutes he had laid down basking in the warm glow of the sun. 

Patton remembered the way his heart had quickened as his gaze fell upon the boy. Roman had looked otherworldly with his skin painted in hues of gold by the setting sun. Enveloped by the peaceful look on his face Patton found himself settling down in the grass beside him, Logan quickly joining them. 

An infinite amount of time seemed to pass in a matter of minutes, it was if the earth decided to pause and let them be if only for a little while. 

And then it happened. A sharp **_crack_ **sounded from just beyond the nearby trees and he felt Roman and Logan tense beside him. 

Suddenly a boy came crashing out into the open. He was small in stature and had dark bags under his eyes. He was pretty in a soft sort of way, which led Patton to his first realization. The boy was an omega. 

Patton's second realization was that his scent was strange. It smelt lovely, like the cool air that rolls in during a storm, but it was also strange as it had an underlying smell of _other._ Something that made his instincts scream _wrong wrong wrong._

The third realization came only after he used his spark. As an empath he could sense and manipulate the emotions of others, and this boy was absolutely terrified. Patton's mind had started to race for a reason why he was so scared. Then his ears caught up with his eyes and he registered the sound of a threatening growl coming from nearby. He turned and found both of his best friends snarling at the poor omega. 

At the time he couldn't fathom why they were being so unkind. Why couldn't they see they were frightening him? Was it that they didn't know or that they didn't care? 

Patton opened his mouth about to yell at them to stop but before he could, his attention was drawn back to the boy by a deep intake of air and suddenly he was gone. 

He could feel his own hands shaking, not out of fear but out of anger. He turned his glare into a startled Roman. 

"Did he just?" Roman blinked a few times staring directly at where the boy had been only seconds prior. 

"You made him run away, that wasn't very nice." He yelled

"He didn't _'run away'_ Patton, he literally teleported out of here." Roman waved his arms dramatically. 

"Enough. Arguing over this is futile. This is no time for bickering like children." 

"You scared him! Of course he teleported away! He could have been our new friend, Roman and you ruined it." Patton couldn't bring himself to listen to Logan's warning. 

Roman laughed mockingly as if Patton's statement was stupid. 

"Don't be daft, he was from the Luna pack. We're all lucky he didn't kill us. They're all lunatics, you know that, Pat." 

The luna pack? He remembered the stories his older brother would tell him growing up. Stories of the Luna pack and their monstrous ways. He kind of thought they were a myth, a legend meant to scare the children into behaving. 

"Oh." 

Patton looked back in the direction the boy had just been and sighed. He had a hard time reconciling that scared boy with the stories of murderers and savages he grew up with. 

"Are you two done? We have to get back and it is quickly reaching nightfall." 

He looked over to where the sun had nearly disappeared behind the tree line. 

  
  


"I agree, we should get out of here before he decides to come back." 

"Yeah sure, let's go Logan." 

After that they had gone home and the incident became insignificant. Until now. 

That boy. That's why the man in the forest had looked familiar. Patton was almost completely sure that those two were the same person. 

  
  


_____________________________________

  
  


_Even though he doesn't believe in love_

_I'm determined to call his bluff_

_Who could deny these butterflies?_

_They're filling my gut_

_____________________________________

  
  


Logan would consider himself a logical man. He would say that he approaches every situation unemotionally and with a firm grip on facts. Yet, somehow, that statement was proven false only a few days prior, when a member of the Luna pack had shown up and disrupted their group's normal leisure time. 

An omega of their rival pack had stepped out of the treeline and Roman had snarled. He had assumed that the stranger had made a mistake and accidentally wandered into Sol territory, if that were the case the omega would have most likely turned around and left. However this was not the case as the man had continued to walk toward them without any of the worry Roman's warning should have caused. 

"Oh save it, princey" The man's voice came across as agitated. _Princey?_ That's their nickname for Roman. How does he know that? Has he been watching them? Or did he see Roman's outfit and create that nickname in that moment? 

After a few moments Roman had reached for his sword and raised it at the intruder. Logan will admit that he is not very good at reading emotions in any situation but he felt very strongly that the use of weapons in that situation was rather unnecessary. 

"You are trespassing, this is Sol territory. If you do not turn back I will be forced to remove you." Roman exclaims with a sense of bravado.

The man rolls his eyes. 

"Must you be so dramatic? It's exhausting." He mutters, voice dripping with cynicism.

Logan can understand the feeling, he too often feels exhausted because of Roman's antics, and he was in love with the man. He could not possibly fathom how tiring it must be from the perspective of an outsider. 

He watched with mock amusement as his overly dramatic boyfriend gets into his favorite fighting stance, and then something unexpected happened. 

The sword vanished as if it had never existed in the first place. At first he had believed this to be the work of the omega's spark, that was of course until the fog and storm cloud rolled into the glade. 

That was the part that made him uneasy. It was impossible to have more than one spark. Yet somehow the man could manipulate weather and seemingly teleport objects? It defies everything he had ever been taught about sparks and their use. 

He could hear that the man was speaking in a voice that sounded rather unnatural yet he could not bring himself to focus on the words. Instead he was looking from the fog to where the sword used to be in Roman's hand, a sense of dread quickly enveloping him. It should have been impossible. It is impossible. 

Perhaps his spark was teleportation? Maybe he had teleported the fog and cloud from a secondary location? Yet both looked unlike any weather he had ever witnessed. They were both featuring a slightly purple hue, the color was so diluted that it was almost undetectable to the human eye. Almost. 

He had been drawn away from his thoughts by movement in the corner of his eye, when he turned to look he was greeted by the sight of Roman disappearing between the trees. 

Exactly two weeks later he found himself standing in front of his boyfriends. 

"I think I might have a hypothesis regarding the nature of the spark belonging to the man who confronted us in the clearing." 

_____________________________________

The scent was the first thing Roman noticed when he woke up. 

The scent of an unknown omega was blanketing his skin. 

It was the morning after the full moon and he found himself to be rather confused. 

He rolled over and sniffed along patton's jaw, the scent was there as well. Patton giggled in his sleep and cuddled deeper into Logan's side. 

Roman went into the bathroom and splashed water on his face. 

"Royal? You there?" He called to his wolf. 

_Yes?_

"What happened last night?" 

_What always happens, we went to the clearing._

"Why do I smell like an omega?" 

There was no answer. 

"Royal?" 

He was yet again greeted with silence. 

He sighed dramatically and walked out of the bathroom. He reached the kitchen and began to make breakfast for his two sleeping partners, the scent still lingering in the air around him.

If it had just been some random omega, he highly doubts any of them would have gotten close enough to leave a scent behind. Could it be that it was his mate? If so, where were they now? Why would they not be here when they woke up? 

The wait for his mate to arrive in his life was becoming strenuous. 

He was rather conflicted about the whole _mate_ thing, in one hand the idea of a soulmate was very romantic and he longs for them to show up, on the other hand he dreads it. He has Logan and Patton, what if his mate wasn't also their mate? He loves them with all his heart and soul, what if his mate wanted him to leave them? What if Logan and Patton met their mates and they didn't want him anymore? What if they both had the same mate and they stayed together and he was left alone? What if his mate already knew who he was but hated him? What if that was the reason why he still hadn't met them? 

His knees buckle and he falls to the floor, hands gripping his hair tightly, just trying to remember how to breathe. 

Thats how the other two find him, laying on the floor of their small kitchen crying and gasping for air. 

_____________________________________

_Funny how it rained all day_

_I didn't think much of it then_

_But it's starting to all make sense_

_Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds_

_Are following me in my desperate endeavor_

_To find my whoever, wherever he may be_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a big special thank you is in order! Thank you so much to 9Teyya_Winterbound6 who gave me the inspiration for this chapter. THANK YOU. I read your comment and I just couldn"t stop thinking about what their reactions would be. Okay so anyway the song in this chapter is Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. However I did change the pronouns in the lyrics to better suit my needs. Anyway thank you all so much for reading this chapter!


	5. Old Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lands face first in the dirt and leaves. 
> 
> There's blood everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. Theres going to be mention of suicidal thoughts and blood in this chapter. Please keep that in mind before you start reading. Please take care of yourself.

_____________________________________

  
  


_Why'd it go wrong_

_When it should have gone right_

_Why do we run_

_When there's no need to fight_

_I can't go on if I'm not alone_

_____________________________________

The air is frigid as it enters his lungs, causing them to contract painfully. He ignores it in favor of pacing. 

He and Deceit had gotten into another argument this morning, Anxiety had made the mistake of voicing his concerns about the way he had treated his own mates a few weeks prior… and Deceit… he just. He lost it. 

He started screaming about how Anxiety obviously cared more about the mates that abandoned him than about the alpha who truly cared about him. Anxiety had tried to explain that it wasn't true but Deceit wouldn't listen. 

After Deceit had stormed out Anxiety felt suffocated in the deafening silence in that house. So despite the freezing temperatures he shot out the door and into the nearby surrounding forest. Everything after that was a blur of trees and trying to convince his lungs to do their job. 

He thinks Vallen was trying to tell him something but his head was swimming and he couldn't pick out the words. 

Does Deceit really believe that he cares more about his mates than him? Is that why he's been so aggravated recently? Is that why he's been so distant? Was it Anxiety's fault? Did he cause this? What if Deceit hates him? Could he even go home? What if Deceit doesn't want him there? What if he gets kicked out? He doesn't have anywhere else to go. It's not like he has friends he could stay with. He doesn't have any family he could turn too. He only ever had his grandma, and she passed away a year ago. 

He feels something drip down his face and then off his chin, his hands reach up and wipe a tear from his eye. A sob rips through his chest as he remembers all the times Deceit has drawn his fingers longingly across is cheek to catch a tear. 

He jumps as he hears a branch snap only a few feet away. His mind going into red alert. 

When he looks up he takes in the sight of his three mates looking at him with concern in their eyes. He finds himself to be standing in the clearing. How long has he been here? How long have they been watching him? 

Patton is clutching his heart and looks very upset, Logan looks confused, but Roman… Roman has a look of pity on his face. It sends a bolt of white hot anger down Anxiety's spine. 

He uses his jacket sleave to wipe the moisture from his face. 

"What do you want?" He asks angrily. 

The three men look at each other seemingly speechless. 

"You okay, kiddo?" Patton asks in a soft voice. 

"I͎̲'̱m̦̙̖͚̭̱ ̥͙͔̟̬͎n̜̞͎̥̥͙͔̟̬͎̗o͔̟t͔ͅ a͖̮ ki̯̱̙ḏ̖" He does his best to make it 

sound threatening, yet even to his own ears it just sounds sad. 

Roman must be feeling merciful because he's decides to change the subject. 

"We have come to take back the land which is ours." He exclaims with a dramatic wave of his sword. 

"Oh really now? How'd that turn out for you last time?" Anxiety says with a sneer. 

He uses his spark to make it appear as if Princey's sword disappeared from his hand and appeared in Anxiety's hand. 

Logan reaches down and grabs a small stone which he throws with pin-point accuracy at the sword in virgil's hand. 

They all watch as the pebble passes with ease through the illusion landing just a few feet behind Anxiety. 

"Ah, just as I suspected. His power has no real world impact, simply an illusion. He can not harm us." Logan's monotone voice chimes in. 

They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know. They know.

_They know._

Roman laughs triumphantly. 

"Begone, emo nightmare" 

Anxiety's feet were already moving before his brain was. 

He crashed through trees and bushes, thorns cutting into his face and hands as he ran. 

His foot catches on a loose tree root that sends him crashing limp on the forest floor. 

**They know.**

This isn't how this was supposed to go. 

**Your nothing to them if they aren't afraid of you.**

What is he going to do now? 

**Monster.**

**They won't listen to you.**

**They aren't afraid of you anymore.**

**You are nothing to them.**

Anxieties fist pulls on his hair, hard. 

He can't breath. 

Deceit probably hates him. Everyone fucking hates him. His own fucking _mates_ hate him. What is he going to do? 

He bangs his head against a tree. 

_Wrong. Wrong. Wrong._

He's wrong. 

Deceit doesn't hate him. Deceit will know what to do. He can fix this. He can fix this. He can fix this. 

He can fix this.

Anxiety stumbles in through his front door, its unlocked. Deceit must be home.

Anxiety knows something is off the second he walks through the door. The lights are on in the living room but it's completely empty and there are _voices_ coming from his bedroom. 

Something gets caught on his foot as he edges toward the room, the light spilling out from a crack in the door illuminates that it's a shirt he doesn't recognize as belonging to himself or Deceit. 

Dread sinks into his stomach and the world seems to flicker in slow motion as he reaches the door. He grasps the cold metal handle and turns it slowly. 

It creaks open to reveal a naked Deceit with someone else… in their bed. Seconds pass like hours as recognizes the face of the man his boyfriend is fucking. _Remus_. 

He slams the door closed. 

He turns. 

He hears the door behind him get wrenched open. 

Someone is calling his name. 

He keeps walking. 

He's on the porch when a hand snags his shoulder and flips him around. 

His eyes meet Deceit's.

Deceit is saying something, he's crying. Anxiety reaches up and touches his own face and realizes he's crying too. 

Deceits face is filled with panic, Anxiety thinks it would be funny if he could feel anything. Funny because for the first time he's not the one freaking out. 

Deceit's mouth is still moving. 

He feels himself turn again, he shrugs off the hand on his shoulder and he walks off into the night. 

No one tries to stop him again. 

_____________________________________

  
  


_why do I stay when the suns so far away_

_Oh well I hope this is my last day_

_Blame it on me_

_Things that I never did_

_One hundred and three keep me lying in bed_

_I'm so afraid_

_To hear people talk_

_These things they believe_

_Half truths and lies_

_Are drinking like wine_

_____________________________________

He doesn't know how long he walked in that unusual haze of numbness. What he does know is that he ended up in an unfamiliar part of the forest. Why does he always end up in the forest?

Each step he takes echoes a dull throb through his bare feet, and the chill caresses his ribcage. 

He guesses he forgot to put his shoes back on when he took off. He regrets that decision now. Where would he go now? How could he face Deceit after that? He still can't wash the image from the back of his eyelids. 

Is that why Remus was always giving him that look. That awful knowing smile? How long had this been going on? 

And that fight this morning? Was that just to get Anxiety out of the house? 

How many times had that happened? Was Anxiety just not good enough? Why? Why? Why? Why? 

**You are not enough.**

Why? Why? Why? 

He was lost, both figuratively and literally. Would he even have a home to go back to if he could find his way out of this maze of trees? Did he even want to go back? Could he face anyone after what he had just seen? Who else knew? Did the entire pack know and were just laughing about it behind his back? 

Did Deceit ever really love him? Or was this all just some sick joke? God he was so stupid. 

He should have seen the signs. How could he not? 

He was alone. He had no friends. No boyfriend. His mates don't even want him. He is broken. Defective. No one will ever love him. There really is no point in continuing on anymore is there? 

He lets out a dark chuckle. Not because anything is particularly funny but because what else can he do? He doesn't even have the energy to cry. 

He takes a step forward and then he hears the click of something mechanical. 

He hears several things all at once. The sound of metal slamming together and the _'crack'_ of bones breaking. 

Someone is screaming, is it himself? 

He lands face first in the dirt and leaves. 

There's blood everywhere. 

His ankle is mangled from where it's caught between the two large metal jaws of a bear trap. 

All he can manage to think is ' _man I really should learn to watch where I'm walking'_ before the darkness swallows him whole.

_____________________________________

  
  


_Oh why do I breathe_

_Oh why do I leave_

_When you're all that I can see_

_Well it's time for honesty_

_I want love_

_But I don't just want love, I want you_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that was a thing that just happened. I dunno how well that turned out but... yeah. I tried. Anyways the song in this chapter is Old Eden by Honeywater. Really angsty this chapter. I was kinda hoping this would be longer than it was. I think I might go back and re-write it some time? I dunno. Why do I enjoy hurting him so much?


	6. Flares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety wakes, and it's to fever and pain and the images of a thousand things he can't make sense of. Someone's screaming in the distance yet he can't seem to pry his eyes open.

_____________________________________

_ Did you find it hard to breathe? _

_ Did you cry so much that you could barely see? _

_ You're in the darkness all alone _

_ And no one cares, there's no one there _

_ _____________________________________ _

_ Anxiety wakes, and it's to fever and pain and the images of a thousand things he can't make sense of. Someone's screaming in the distance yet he can't seem to pry his eyes open. When had he fallen asleep?  _

_ Come to think of it, anxiety can't seem to remember what he had been doing prior to now.  _

_ Light floods in when his eyes finally open, the screaming stops. He appears to be standing on top of the water of a still lake, the full moon reflecting across the dark water.  _

_ A black wolf with glowing purple eyes stands before him, its teeth pulled back into a vicious snarl.  _

_ A deep threatening growl permeates the silence and he's unsure whether the sound came from the wolf's throat or his own.  _

_ His hand reaches forward but right as his fingers brush the soft fur of the animals head, he is plunged into the freezing water at his feet.  _

_ His arm breaks the surface of the water, hoping that someone could save him, and he feels the jaws of three wolves clamp down on his limb. Somehow he slips from their grasps and he is swallowed but by the crushing darkness.  _

_ Down, down, down, into the pitch black lake, almost as if a chain is tied around his leg dragging him to the depths.  _

_ As he reaches the bottom he begins to struggle yet something is tied around the calf of his leg restricting his movement. He peers down and squints to see through the water, there wrapped around his leg is a giant snake.  _

_ It slithers up his body until it is staring into his soul with eyes that feel so achingly familiar. He watches as the snake's jaw unhinges and it lunges forward.  _

His eyes snap open. A cool breeze dusts across the exposed flesh of his arms, and he's staring at the sky…. The sky that's moving too fast. His leg throbs erratically and he lets out a groan. 

"Oh shit. He's awake." A man's voice calls from somewhere in front of him. 

"Oh shit. You're awake. Oh that's good. That means he's not dead." 

The man appears to be talking to himself more than he's addressing Anxiety. 

He looks up towards the person, it appears that Anxiety seems to be in a cart of some sort and the man in question is riding the horse that's dragging him. 

"Where am I? What happened?" Anxiety's voice is hoarse as it leaves his throat. 

"Ah, uh, so um. Right. So girl, you like totally walked right into my bear trap. And now your leg is like all sorts of janked up. I'm Remy by the way, nice to meet you. So yeah, anyway I'm taking you to my pack so we can get that taken care of, cause like i'm not a healer but you totally looked like you might be bleeding out. Which was real gross by the way." 

Anxiety looks down at where his leg is wrapped in his own shirt, a shirt which is soaked in blood. He kinda glad it's covered actually, if it looks as mangled as it feels he thinks he might actually throw up. 

"What's your name, by the way?" 

"Anxiety." 

_____________________________________

  
  


_ Did you break but never mend? _

_ Did it hurt so much you thought it was the end? _

_ Lose your heart but don't know when _

_ And no one cares, there's no one there _

_ _____________________________________ _

When they arrive, Anxiety is so tired he can't even open his eyes anymore. Remy kept screaming at him to stay awake but he can't remember why he shouldn't just allow himself to slip into unconsciousness. 

They had stopped moving and he had heard Remy run off yelling for someone he can't remember the name of now. 

He was getting the healer. Why was that again? Oh, right, the leg. 

How long ago was that again?

It feels like it's been a long time since Remy went to get help. There's shouting in the distance, it seems to be getting closer. 

As the get closer he hears snippets of conversation, words he can't make sense of. Too many voices.

"...I don't know how…" 

"Where was he…" 

There's hands on his arms now, lifting him. He feels the urge to push them away, yet he can't find the strength. 

"...is he…?" 

"He aliv…" 

There's a couple different people carrying him and somehow the disembodied voices are almost soothing. God, he's just so tired. 

"Set him down on the table." 

He groans loudly as his leg gets jostled. 

"...I'm so sorry…" 

"Okay, everybody out… I need space to work." 

"...Do you mind…. If…. Stay" 

Theres a hand running through his hair as a sharp bolt of pain resonates through his leg. Cold air touches his now exposed mangled flesh. 

There's a gasp and a hand tightens around his fingers. 

"Talk...him… it might help." 

"Hey there kiddo, my names…. Pat…." A soothing voice whispers into his ear. It takes all the strength he has left but he tightens his fingers around the hand in his. He hopes that somehow the man understands what he's trying to say. 

_ Please don't go. I'm scared. Keep talking please, I just need to know someone's here.  _

Maybe he does understand because that gentle voice never wavers even as Anxiety slips into unconsciousness. 

_____________________________________

_ But did you see the flares in the sky? _

_ Were you blinded by the light? _

_ Did you feel the smoke in your eyes? _

_ Did you see the sparks filled with hope? _

_ You are not alone _

_ 'Cause someone's out there, sending out flares _

_ _____________________________________ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to put this chapter up, I got hit with some really bad writing block, also I'm sorry you had to wait so long for such a short chapter but like I did my best. But yeah. The song I used in this chapter is Flares by The Script.


	7. This is gospel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety wakes with the soft echo of a dream he can't quite grasp dancing lightly behind his eyelids. 
> 
> The first thing he noticed is the everpresent taste of bile on his tongue and an ache so deeply inbedded into his skin that he's sure it's coming from his soul.

**_____________________________________**

_This is gospel for the fallen ones_

_Locked away in permanent slumber_

_Assembling their philosophies_

_From pieces of broken memories_

_______________________________________

Anxiety wakes with the soft echo of a dream he can't quite grasp dancing lightly behind his eyelids. 

The first thing he noticed is the everpresent taste of bile on his tongue and an ache so deeply inbedded into his skin that he's sure it's coming from his soul. 

**Monsters don't have souls.**

The second thing Anxiety notices is the overwhelming wave of unfamiliar scents and the sound of distant voices he can't quite hear through thick walls. 

Something is wrong. 

He listens for a moment, checking for any sign of life in the room he's currently in, once he is sure he is alone he prys open an eyelid. Hoping to keep the element of suprise in case he needed to fight his way out of here. Sure enough he appears to be in unfamiliar territory. He shakes his head as if to dislodge what he had hoped to be some form of nightmare. 

How had he got here? 

What happened? 

He tries to recall the previous events. 

Deceit. Deceit had been crying… or had he been crying? Remus and Deceit. Then he was walking through the woods. The fear of never finding his way home and the uncertainty of what home had even meant. The sickening crack of his bones breaking. The blood. So much blood. 

Anxiety flung himself over the edge of the bed and quickly ejected stomach bile onto the floor. He wiped his jacket sleeve across his mouth. 

He gazed down at his injured leg, half expecting to find nothing but a bloody stump. Instead there was his leg wrapped in bloody bandages but still intact. 

The voices outside had grown quiet. It appears his retching had disintegrated his element of surprise. 

He heard footsteps coming towards the door. 

There was a slight tap on the door before the knob turned and Anxiety felt his stomach drop. There standing in the doorway was one of his mates. 

"Hello Anxiety, I'm Healer Logan Sanders. Do you mind if I come in?" 

Anxiety had to fight the lump in his throat in order to force the words out. 

"Uh, yeah." 

Logan looked confused for a moment. 

"Um, yeah like you do not want me to come in or yeah as in I'm allowed to?" 

Anxiety inwardly cursed his inept social skills. 

"Come in?" Why did that come off as a question? He didn't mean it as a question. Maybe he did because as Logan enters the room the butterflies in his stomach go into a frenzy. 

"So how are you feeling?" His mate's voice is monotone and straight to the point.

"Uh, confused?" Anxiety said in a indifferent voice trying his best to mask the fear clenching his stomach into knots. 

"Well, I was asking about any pain in your leg but it's quite alright. Anyway do you remember what happened?" 

"Uh, I stepped in a bear trap." 

"Correct, do you remember anything else?" 

"Uh not really, I remember there was someone on a horse but not much else." 

"Memory loss is a common side effect after a traumatic event." 

Anxiety takes a moment to try to calm his racing thoughts. This is the first time he's ever had an actual conversation with one of his soulmates without yelling or threats. 

"Could you please answer my original question? Are you feeling any pain?" 

"Uh, my leg aches a little but other than that no." 

"The bones in your ankle were broken and will take two to three months to repair themselves during this time you are to keep weight off your injury." 

"What, no! How am I supposed to get home?" 

Oh God how long has he been out? Deceit must be worried sick. 

"How long have I been out?" 

"Roughly twenty six hours." 

A whole day? Oh God, how long was he in the woods before he was found? How long has he been gone? 

"Now as for how you're going to get home, that I do not know. Though the high court will be ruling on what is to be done with you, later today." 

What's to be done with him? What? Judging by the fact that Logans here this must be Sol territory. Best case scenario they drop him in the woods alone, a death sentence with this leg. Worst case, they're gonna kill him. 

Maybe they'll be merciful and drop him somewhere close to Luna and he could crawl the rest of the way. Or shout for help…? Would anyone even come to get him? Well Deceit might not love him but Anxiety's still pack and they wouldn't leave him to die would they? 

"I'm going to change your gauze now." 

Was Anxiety imagining something or was there something gentle in the healer's voice? 

Logan changed Anxiety's bandages quickly and left the room in silence, leaving the anxious man to stew in panicked thoughts. 

_____________________________________

_If you love me let me go_

_'Cause these words are_

_knives that often leave scars_

_The fear of falling apart_

_And truth be told, I never was yours_

_____________________________________

Logan left the room housing his new patient and headed down a hallway and out the door. What was that back there? He could smell the omega's panic and had to fight all of his instincts just to keep himself from gathering the smaller man into his arms and comforting him. 

He shook his head and took a deep breath of fresh air to clear his mind. He set off toward the main hall his shoes gathering freshly fallen snow on them. Wishing to comfort someone was very out of character for him, he rarely felt the need to show affection to his own boyfriends, so why had he felt this way for a complete stranger? A complete stranger who had attacked him and his loved ones no less. Was it because he is an omega? No, Logan had never felt that way toward his other omega patients. Strange indeed. 

He stepped into the crowded mess hall glad that they hadn't started without him. Thomas, their leader, took notice of him and motioned for him to take the seat next to him. His brother always wanted him close during meetings such as this. 

Once he had taken his seat a silence set over the room. Thomas stood and addressed the group. 

"So as many of you already know, we have a new visitor. A member of the Luna pack was injured and brought back for treatment." 

A few grumbles broke out throughout the crowd. "This meeting has been called to discuss what we should do with him." 

"As his doctor, I believe he should be allowed to stay here until his injuries are fully healed." Logan's voice was followed by an outcry of different opinions. 

Thomas banged his hand on the table trying to settle the quickly escalating situation. Once everyone had quieted a hand rose above the crowd. 

"Yes Roman?" Thomas asked. 

"He most certainly should not be allowed to stay here. He's dangerous, what if he attacks someone? I think he should be left near his territory." A chorus of agreement followed his statement. 

Surprisingly Remy was the next one to raise his hand. 

"You ever seen what a bear trap does to a human's leg, Roman?" 

"Well no-" 

  
  


"Well then honey, you don't really have any room to talk then, do ya? It cut straight through the flesh like butter and then snapped his bone in half. There's no way he can walk on that, left in the woods he would like totally die. But let's say he somehow magically manages to get to his pack, he'd have probably fucked up his leg worse than he already has and do you think that those savages even have a healer? He'd probably be unable to walk for like forever." 

"Why should I care?" Roman scoffs.

"Oh, so your just as bad as those _Lunatics_ you claim to _hate_ so much?" Remy punctuated his question with a drink of his coffee and an eyebrow raise.

"Well- I-" 

"That's enough bickering." Thomas cut him off. 

"We are going to keep him here…" there was a grumble of displeasure from the crowd and 

triumphant noise from Remy. "but, Remy he will be staying with you once he's allowed to leave the healer's care." 

Remy let out a high-pitched groan. 

"Okay with that settled, this meeting is adjourned." Thomas clapped his hands together. 

Everyone got up and started making their way outside. Logan made his way to where his two boyfriends were waiting for him. 

Roman looked disgruntled and was glaring at Remy's retreating form. Patton had a far away look in his eyes and a worried expression on his face. 

When Logan reached them Patton looked up. 

"Hey Lolo could I go visit him?" 

"Why do you insist on calling me that?" 

Logan always made a fuss over the nickname Patton had given him when they were still children but if he were being honest he rather liked the name. It made him feel loved. Although he would never tell Patton that. 

Patton ignored his comment and continued to give him puppydog eyes. Logan sighed. 

"Of course you can visit him, but why?" 

"Well it's just… he was so afraid when he came in… I could feel it. I just want to make sure the poor kiddo's okay." 

Roman scoffed. "Well I'm not coming with, that asshole will probably try to gauge someone's eyeball out the second you let down your guard." 

With that the trio made their way out into the open air. Logan kissed Roman's cheek as he and Patton went their separate ways. Patton of course laid a kiss right on Roman's lips before he trailed after Logan. 

When they arrived the building was quiet and at first Logan thought that Anxiety might be sleeping. 

He knocked on the door before entering. 

Anxiety was on the bed twisting his fingers together and chewing on his bottom lip. Butterflies fluttered softly in Logan's stomach, he ignored it. 

Patton pushed past him and made his way over to the bed. 

He held his hand out for Anxiety to shake. 

"Hey there kiddo, my name's Patton. What's your name?" 

Oh that's right, Patton wasn't there when Remy told him. 

Anxiety raised a shaky hand to meet Patton's. 

"Uh, Anxiety." The man looks away a blush dusting his cheeks.

A look of confusion passed across his boyfriend's face before it morphed into a look of sadness and then changed into indifference. 

Anxiety is a strange name. Especially in Sol. From what information Logan knows about the Luna pack, it was a tradition for children to be named after what is believed to be their worst trait. How cruel. 

"That's a… interesting name, how ya feeling kiddo?" 

"I'm not a kid and uh I'm feeling okay I guess." 

The tension in Anxiety's shoulders seems to lessen a bit as he talks with Patton. 

Why does Logan's heart race as he watches them interact? 

"So uh, Logan?" 

Logan focuses where Anxiety is staring at him. 

"Did they… did they figure out what to do with me?" The tension is back in full force and Anxiety looks almost like a statue as he asks. 

"They decided to keep you here until your injuries are healed." 

A panicked look overtakes Anxiety's features. 

"But, I have people who are probably looking for me... and I don't want to be a burden…" his voice is high pitched in sharp contrast with the deep voice he usually talks in. 

"Oh kiddo, you're not a burden and plus it's dangerous for you to go home right now. I'm sure whoever is looking for you would be much happier if you got better before you went home." Patton wrapped the omega in a hug. 

Anxiety raised an eyebrow at Logan from over Patton's shoulder as if to ask ' _is he always like this?'_

Logan nodded his head. 

Anxiety breathed in deeply before he moved his arms up to hug Patton back. 

Logan's arms ached to join them and his wolf seems to be pacing inside him. How strange. 

_____________________________________

_Don't try to sleep through the end of the world_

_Bury me alive_

_'Cause I won't give up without a fight_

_If you love me let me go_

___________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, thank you guys so much for your kindness about me posting so late. Everyone was so nice about it. As a reward here is a longer chapter! The song in this chapter is This is Gospel by Panic! At the disco. 
> 
> I got to work this weekend so I dunno when the next chapter will be up.


	8. Dog Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton should have left. Should have left it alone. He knows better than to pry when someones shutting you out. Yet he just couldn't.  
> An injured animal is more vicious when it's cornered.

_____________________________________

_He handed me a pair of pliers_

_And he told me to pull out his teeth,_

_Because as long as he'd had them he'd_

_Use them to do bad things._

_______________________________________

Patton couldn't stop thinking of the boy. The boy with the sad eyes and broken leg. Was he lonely? Scared? In pain? These thoughts plagued Patton endlessly. So after hours of trying to ignore the worry he felt for a stranger he decided to do something about it. 

He went to the kitchen and packed up two lunches. One for Logan and one for _Anxiety_. His heart hurts even thinking that name. What kind of parent names their child that? In his head he can imagine Anxiety as a small child being called by his name for the first time, just a scared kid being bullied by his own parents for being afraid. 

He places a sandwich more forcibly than necessary into the brown paper bag. With the lunches in hand he gives Roman a quick peck on the lips before heading out the door and down the street to the healer's.

Logan looks up from the book he's reading as Patton walks through the door. 

"Patton? Is everything okay?" He asks. 

"Yes, I'm just bringing you lunch." He holds up one of the bags, Logan seems to perk up as he sees it. 

"How is Anxiety?" He asks casually. 

"His leg is healing at a normal rate and isn't infected. As I told you this morning when you asked." Logan seems a bit puzzled. 

"I meant how is he emotionally? Like hows he feeling?" Logan seems to grow even more puzzled. Patton sighs fondly. His boyfriend is so smart yet somehow knows almost nothing about people when it comes to anything to do with emotion. He ruffles Logan's hair and lays a kiss above his eyebrow before he heads down the hallway and into Anxiety's room. 

The boy in question is laying on the bed staring aimlessly at the ceiling. He has an open book in his lap turned to the first page and an untouched tray of food laying on the bedside table. 

"Hey kiddo?" Patton asks softly hoping not to startle him. Anxiety recoils into himself as his eyes widen and jump around the room until they focus in on the man now in his room. Once his gaze lands on Patton he seems to relax. 

Pattons chest aches wondering what has influenced the young man in front of him to react this way at the slightest unpredictable noise. 

"Oh uh hey Patton." He says softly, it always throws him through a loop on how such a small person could have a voice that deep. 

"How's it going kiddo?" 

"I'm not a kid, and I'm fine… a little bored though." He runs a finger over the book in his lap and Patton notices the chipped black nail polish present on nails that seem to be chewed down to the skin. 

Dried blood lingers unnoticed under a few of those nails. Patton suddenly feels the urge to wrap the boy into his arms and never let go. 

"Are you sure you're okay, Anxiety?" His eyes flicker to the uneaten breakfast and then back to Anxiety. 

The man follows his gaze and then his arms cross and clutch almost painfully around his forearms. 

"I said I'm fine. Actually you know, I'm kinda tired… maybe we could pick this up some other time…" That deep voice resonates through the room only slightly defensive. 

Patton should have left. Should have left it alone. He knows better than to pry when someones shutting you out. Yet he just couldn't. 

"Anxiety, you can talk to me. I know somethings wrong, I can feel it." 

"Look, you barely know me. Don't act like you know how I'm feeling, okay? You don't. I'm fine." He sounds cold and harsh now, it's enough to make Patton wince. 

"My spark allows me to sense what others are feeling… I felt it when I first saw you in that clearing and it's still there… something is wrong Kiddo. And it has been for a long time." He tries to make his tone soothing and comforting. 

Anxiety's face looks pained and scared… and only a second later that open expression fades into a look of anger and disdain. Patton gulps. 

"You can tell what I'm feeling huh? So what? Do you think that makes you better than me? You act like you care so much, don't you? But in reality you just want to go help people because it makes you feel better about yourself. Pathetic."

A tear wells up in the man's eye and gets blinked away before it can fall. 

"Kiddo, that just isn't true-" 

"Go find some other charity case to cry over, okay? I'm not some helpless kid you need to save. I don't need your pity, and I sure as hell don't need you." The words are practically spat at him through clenched teeth. He turns over and faces away. 

Patton gets up slowly and walks out the door. 

He makes it all the way to Logan's office before he breaks down. The door closes behind him and sobs rack his body, the lunch bag crumbled in his fist. He closes his eyes tightly in an effort to keep the tears in. 

"Patton?" 

He hears rustling from somewhere in the room and then he feels two strong arms wrap around him and pulling him to someone's chest. He buries his head into the crook of Logan's neck, the tears fall freely as he sobs. What did he just do? Why did he push so hard? What if Anxiety hates him now? He looked like he hated him.

_____________________________________

_My body's covered in teeth marks._

_Your bite's worse than your bark._

_You ruin everything you touch and_

_Destroy anyone you love._

_____________________________________

Anxiety feels nothing. He knows he should feel _something_. Yet when he tries he just comes up empty.

Patton's face as he called him pathetic plays on loop in his head. God, why did he do that?

Why does he destroy everything he touches? 

Maybe he is the monster Deceit said he was. 

Why. Why why why why why why. He slams his head against the headboard. 

There is a knock on the door, and then it opens. Logan stands in the doorway. His fist is clenched tightly at his side. 

Anxiety shrinks in on himself, prepared to be yelled at or even punched. God knows he deserves it. Instead Logan takes a deep breath as he enters the room and releases his fist. 

"You have healed enough that you no longer need to stay here. Arrangements have been made for you to stay with Remy until your leg is completely healed." His voice is monotone, but it's always monotone… so Anxiety can't tell if he's angry or not. 

Logan goes over to the closet and pulls out a bag holding Anxiety's blood stained belongings. 

The clothes were washed but the blood left large brown splotches in the black fabric. 

Anxiety tucks the crutches he was given under his arms and takes the bag wordlessly and quickly changes in the bathroom. When he emerges Logan is waiting for him, they walk down the hallway in complete silence. 

A quiet that weighs down on him like a cement block crushing his ribcage. 

Part of him is glad that he's being kicked out early. He can't hurt them if he's gone. He was never meant to be so close to them in the first place. 

When they reach the door leading outside they both stop. He feels like he should say something, he doesn't want to leave it like this. His mouth opens but any words he might have get trapped like caged birds in his throat. He closes his mouth, takes a deep breathe in and tries to ingrave the scent of his mate into his memory. He hobbled forward using the crutches and turns the doorknob and steps out into the sunlight for the first time in four days, and tries to ignore the way his heart feels like it's being ripped apart in his chest. There's a cart directly in front of him. A blonde man holding a cup of coffee sits upon a horse that's pulling a cart. 

"Get in _bitch."_ The man says as he jesters to the cart behind him. Anxiety blinks a couple times…. Bitch? Who is this guy? 

"Are you Remy?" 

"Uh duh." 

"Is that cart even safe?" 

"Look honey, you can get in the cart or you can walk to my house. Your choice but like you might wanna choose fast, I'm not afraid to ditch a cripple." For some reason Anxiety starts chuckling, something about the way Remy speaks almost reminds him of home. Deceit would love Remy. That thought wipes the smile right off his face and he climbs into the back of the cart being mindful of his injured leg. 

The ride there is bumpy and they pass by many houses and buildings. He's almost completely positive that Sol is bigger than Luna. Children play in their front yards and wave at him as they pass, big smiles plastered across their faces. When they pass down a road full of small shops and people he's completely amazed. It's not even the numerous people that surprise him, it's the way they interact with each other. No one is fighting or screaming. Everyone they pass seems genuinely happy and kind to each other. Back home if there was this many people in one place there would be all sorts of anger and fighting going on.

Watching it all makes him feel so…. Isolated. He aches for home, where the world isn't backwards and people act normal. 

Eventually they arrive at a house close to the woods on the outskirts of the main civilization. As he steps through the threshold of the house he's going to be living in for the next two months it all comes crashing down on him. 

He's homeless with a broken leg, in enemy territory, surrounded by people who think he's a monster, living with a complete stranger, no contact with anyone he knows, his boyfriend… _ex-boyfriend_ cheated on him, and now he most likely made his mates hate him even more than they already had. 

His breath catches and his lungs feel like they're constricting. 

He tries to inhale. Why can't he inhale? Why can't he breathe. Oh God, Remy is looking at him. He's saying something. What is he saying? The look on Patton's face when he called him pathetic swims in his eyes. 

Tears fall down his face as he feebly tries to wipe them away. His knees give out, whatever was under his arms resists but eventually they topple to the ground with him. 

He clutches at his clogged throat. He still can't breathe. 

His skin feels too tight, like he's going to explode outward. His finger claw at his exposed forearms. 

He feels like he's dying. 

Deceit cheated on him with _Remus._ Why wasn't he enough for anyone? 

Someone is in front of him. There's a voice calling his name. He can barely hear them over the pounding in his ears. 

Who is that? 

He thinks that if this is the way he dies then he probably deserves it for being a monster. 

His vision is going black. 

Someone's yelling his name. 

He can't see who it is. God, he really must be a monster, so many people have come into his life and then left him alone. Why would they leave him? Because who could love someone like him? 

Someone grabs his hand, he flinches. They put his fist to their chest, he can feel their lungs expanding, they hold the air then they let it out. He follows it, managing to push a small amount of air into his chest before his throat feels like it constricts again. 

Whoever it is holds his hand tighter and breathes in again. He follows. Hold. it's easier this time. Out. 

" _Breath for me, come on Anxiety you got this."_ A soft voice whispers into his ear. 

He breathes in deeply. Hold. Out. 

He opens his eyes and is met with the concerned face of Remy. 

In. 

Remy is still instructing him to breathe. 

Hold. 

Out. 

He can breathe normally now. 

"Thank….you." He manages to croak out. 

"Holy shit. Girl you scared the literal fuck out of me. What in the literal fuck was that even about?" Remy's voice is still soft as if he was afraid he might start freaking out again if he raised his voice too loud. 

And Anxiety looks into Remy's face, his genuine concern…. And Anxiety breaks open like a damn. He tells this complete stranger _everything_. 

He tells him about the first time at the clearing and Logan, Patton, and Roman. Tells him about the bond rejection syndrome and about Deceit being there for him when he was so very alone. He tells him about the second time he went to the clearing and how much it had hurt to act like a monster. He tells him about Deceit and Remus and ending up out in those woods where he stepped into a bear trap. Remy's bear trap. And he tells him about this morning when he most certainly made Patton cry. 

And when he's done his voice is hoarse from use. He doesn't think he's ever talked this much or for this long. He guesses it's because he's never really had someone who would sit down and listen to him for this long. Yet Remy never complains or interrupts. He stays and listens to the whole story. And when it's over he wraps Anxiety in a blanket and hands him a cigarette. 

They go outside and sit on porch steps and smoke. Anxiety can hear the crickets chirping around him and can feel the cool night breeze dance across his skin. Remy wraps an arm around his shoulder. 

He takes a long drag off his cigarette.

"Girl, it's gonna be okay. I don't know how… but somehow it's gonna be alright." 

Anxiety almost believes him. 

_____________________________________

_He'd hollowed out their bodies so_

_They'd feel just empty as him._

_You're cold on the inside,_

_There's a dog in your heart,_

_And it tells you to tear everything apart._

_____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ALIVE. So it has been such a very long time and I am so sorry. Got a bad case of writers block and then this idea hit me this morning and I've been writing all day. So if your confused about why Virgil reacted that way, it's because Patton kinda cornered Virgil into talking about stuff he didnt want to talk about and he felt attacked and responded as if he was being attacked. Poor Pat and poor Virgil. Why do I enjoy hurting my babies this way? This chapter was like a tasty level of angst. Anyways makes sure your all staying safe in this crazy world we're all living in right now please and thank you. Also, if anyone has any ideas for the next couple chapters I'm so down for new ideas! Also also, the song in this chapter is called dog teeth by Nicole Dollanganger


	9. Shake It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's slowly coming to the realization that Remy is pretty badass, he helped him through a panic attack, didn't even blink when Anxiety basically told him his entire life story, he literally saved Anxiety's life when he found him bleeding out in the woods. And if someone that awesome believes in him even just a little bit then maybe he should listen.

_____________________________________

_And I've been a fool and I've been blind_

_I can never leave the past behind_

_I can see no way,_

_I'm always dragging that horse around_

_Our love is pastured such a mournful sound_

_Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground_

_____________________________________

"So you were like dating this dude even though he wasn't your mate?" Remy asks as he hands Anxiety a cup of coffee. 

"Uh yeah." 

"And you don't have one mate? You have three and they're in this pack?" 

"Yes." 

"And like it's the nerd, the prince, and the cinnamon roll?" 

"Yeah." 

"And you're sure about that?" 

"I'm one hundred percent certain, Remy." 

"Okay." He takes a long sip of his coffee and then looks down at it like it could somehow hold all of the secrets on how to fix Anxiety. 

"And the dude who is not your mate cheated on you with this other dude you don't like?" 

"I told you everything last night, why do you keep asking questions?" 

"Geeeeesh, someone's cranky." 

Anxiety grumbles as he takes a sip of coffee, way too sugary for his tastes but he's not gonna complain.

"Oh. I know what you need." 

Anxiety raises his eyebrow. 

"You need a makeover. How do you feel about purpl-" 

"No." 

Remy's face contorts into a look of mock offense. 

"Oh come on you don't even know what I was gonna suggest." 

"No makeovers." 

"Oh come on. Please. I'm like literally begging here, okay? And let's face it, your old clothes are ruined and I'm like totally gonna lose it if I have to be seen with you looking like…. Well… like that." He gestures to the blood stained black clothing and the smeared black eyeshadow that's been on for days. 

Anxiety guesses he's right. He probably looks a little insane right now. 

"I don't have any money….." Anxiety whispers softly to the table. 

"Oh girl, don't worry about it. I just got paid." He slams his wallet down on the table triumphantly. 

"But… that's your money and I wouldn't-wouldn't want you to...to waste it on me. " Anxiety stutters out. 

"Oh I'm not wasting it on anything. I just adore makeovers and you really need a new look so… it's a win-win. Now are we gonna spend the whole day debating this or are we gonna get this show on the road?" 

"O-okay?" Why is he feeling so flustered? 

"Alright I gotta grab something real quick and then I'm ready." Remy says as he opens a nearby cabinet and pulls out three pill bottles. He takes a swig of water before he drops three small pills into his mouth and swallows. 

"What are those? If you uh don't mind me asking?" 

Remy turns and looks at Anxiety confused. He's silent for long enough that Anxiety thinks he might have offended him. He's about to apologize before Remy interrupts him. 

"It's birth control? You know scent blocker and heat suppressors… and birth control?" 

"What?" Anxiety feels a bit stupid. 

"What do you mean what?" Remy asks. 

"You're an omega?"

"Yes?" Remy raises one eyebrow.

"But like… you have a job and you don't smell like an omega?"

"Uh, yeah. Of course I have a job, why wouldn't I have a job? Wait… are you telling me…no, you cannot be serious. Let me ask you a question, did you have a job back in Luna?" 

"Uh, no? Of course not? I'm an omega." 

Remy lets out a long disgusted growl. 

"Have you ever even taken any medication? Like birth control or heat suppressors?" 

"No? I didn't even know those things existed until like five seconds ago." 

This seems to agitate the man further. 

"Okay well while we're out we can stop by the healers and you can talk to Logan about it." After he sees the panicked look on Anxiety's face he quickly adds "don't worry you won't have to take any medication you don't want to but you should at least be informed about your options." And with that Remy puts on his shoes and walks out the door. 

Why is everything about Sol so strange? 

Anxiety grabs his crutches and hobbles out the door after him. He climbs into the back of the car and just like that they're off. 

The first place they stop at is a small clothing stall. Anxiety prepares himself for hours of trying on clothes he doesn't want to wear in an effort to appease Remy…. Yet Remy doesn't begin to search aimlessly through the piles of clothing strewn about. Instead he makes a beeline for the back area of the stall. 

Anxiety follows a bit intrigued. When he reaches his _friend_ … is Remy his friend? He's never really had one of those before so how should he know? Even before he and Deceit started dating they weren't really friends… they were strangers who flirted and were there for each other when it was needed. 

A dull ache resonates throughout his entire body when he thinks about Deceit. 

He shakes his head and looks up to where Remy is now holding… a jacket. A purple and black jacket. 

"Don't say anything. You don't have to… I know you love it. Now stay here." Before he can say anything Remy is rushing off to another section of clothing. Anxiety looks down at the jacket in his arms, it's soft and appears warm. A part of him is irked by how fast Remy managed to find something that he actually likes. 

Remy comes back holding ripped black skinny jeans and a ripped purple shirt. The clothing is dropped into his hands and then he's unceremoniously pushed into a dressing room.

It takes him a while to get the pants on around the cast but he manages. 

He looks into the mirror and is surprised by what he sees. He looks different. Very different. 

"So girl what you think? Let me see." 

"Uh I don't know about this Remy, these clothes just don't feel like… me." 

Remy opens up the curtain and looks Anxiety up and down. 

"That's kinda the whole point. Makeovers are fun because they aren't about who you are, but more about who you want to be moving forward." 

Anxiety looks back into the mirror. Who he wants to be? 

"These clothes… they're a fresh start. They're a chance to be somebody else. You don't have to be _Deceit's_ boyfriend, or the guy whose mates rejected him, and you especially don't have to be the guy who got cheated on anymore." 

Anxiety tugs gently at the sleeve of the jacket and says something even he's a little surprised about. 

"Okay." 

The next place they stop at is a hair stylist place. 

They walk through the door and are greeted by two very tired looking people. One is wearing an orange beanie and the other has beautifully done makeup on and brightly colored hair. 

"Hey Talyn. Hello Joan." Remy greets. 

The beanie wearing person looks up and nods before looking back down at the book in their hands. 

"Oh hey Remy, what do you want done today?" The brightly colored person asks. 

"Well, my darling Talyn I was thinking you could give this one…" he gestures to Anxiety "Purple hair." 

"Remy. No." Anxiety says immediately. 

He can't have purple hair. No. No. Definitely not. People would see it. He'd stand out. He doesn't want to draw anymore attention to himself. What would Deceit think? He would probably hate it. 

Why does he care about what Deceit would think?

He looks at Talyn, they're so colorful and they look so amazing. 

Anxiety knows he could never pull off purple hair. He'll probably just look stupid and…

"You're wrong." Remy says with the most determined look on his face. 

"What?" 

"I can see the gears in your head moving and whatever it is you're thinking _you are wrong_. You will look amazing with purple hair, okay?" 

Remy looks so serious. He somehow always manages to be so confident. He's slowly coming to the realization that Remy is pretty badass, he helped him through a panic attack, didn't even blink when Anxiety basically told him his entire life story, he literally saved Anxiety's life when he found him bleeding out in the woods. And if someone that awesome believes in him even just a little bit then maybe he should listen. 

"Okay." 

_____________________________________

  
  


_'Cause I am done with my graceless heart_

_So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart_

_'Cause I like to keep my issues strong_

_It's always darkest before the dawn_

_____________________________________

Anxiety doesn't want to do this. Logan is probably mad at him because he was hateful to Patton and he's really uncomfortable talking to Logan about birth control? He doesn't even know what that is. 

"Uh Remy…." 

"What Girl?" 

"We don't have to do this. I'm fine seriously. Like we could just go back home." 

"Not happening. You don't realize it yet but the fact that you weren't like totally educated on this shit is just…. Well it's just bullshit." 

"Uh well could you please… uh come inside… with me?" Anxiety's voice is so quiet Remy barely hears him. 

"I just uh really don't want to go uh by myself…. And you know like I don't even know what I'm talking about…" 

"Oh my God, honey. Of course I'll like totally come in." 

Anxiety lets out a sigh of relief and looks down at the door handle in front of him… he just can't seem to bring himself to go inside. 

"Oh come on Girl." Remy grabs the hood of Anxiety's jacket with one hand and pushes the door open with the other. He then pushes his friend through into the building. 

Roman looks up from where he's sitting in the waiting room, making eye contact with Anxiety. He stands immediately and begins to march over to the two men who just walked in. 

He points a finger in Anxiety's face. 

"Stay away from Patton. You know, I told him that you were just a monster who was gonna turn on him the second he let his guard down-" 

Remy steps in between Roman and Anxiety. 

"Excuse the fuck out of me, bitch. I know I must be hearing things cause I know you did not just say what I think you just said." Remy looks livid. 

He points a well manicured finger into the center of Roman's chest and pushes. The prince-like man seems flabbergasted. 

"Well-he…well i-" 

"Oh honey, go sit down before I make you." 

Remy stalks off down the hallway with Anxiety following as quickly as he can on crutches. 

When they reach the door to Logan's office Remy turns around to face Anxiety. 

"Alright, you wait here and I'll talk to Logan, okay?" 

Anxiety just nods dumbfounded. 

_____________________________________

Logan is surprised to see Remy strut into his office. The man sits down in the chair adjacent from Logan. 

"So….. heres the thing Doc. Anxiety and I were talking this morning and he like totally has never taken any omega medication. Which is so crazy, so I was like _bitch what_ and he was all like" Remy does his best impression of Anxiety's voice. "Yeah I've never even heard of any medication like that." 

Logan itches to correct Remy's grammar but instead he focuses on the matter at hand. Anxiety has never taken birth control or heat suppressors. 

"Why?" Logan asks. 

Remy twirls around in his chair for a moment before he answers. 

"I didn't really ask but I don't really think omegas are given a lot of rights over there. I mean hell he was surprised I was allowed to have a job." 

This takes a moment for Logan's brain to compute. Anxiety wasn't allowed to have a job or take medication that could significantly raise his quality of living. How old is Anxiety? How many heats had he been forced to suffer through alone? 

In Sol _forcing_ an omega to go through a heat alone was considered torture. Of course the omega can choose to refuse medication but few ever did. 

And omegas aren't allowed to have jobs in Luna? 

Something akin to nausea boils low in Logan stomach. 

"Okay, I'll talk to him about it." 

Remy leaves the room and soon Anxiety hobbles in on his crutches. 

Logan's brain stops working for a split second as his gaze falls on the omega. 

He looks good. So much more alive than he looked yesterday when he left. Logan takes a deep breath in and is flooded by an intoxicating scent. He blinks a few times to clear the fog settling over his mind. 

The man sits down in the chair and looks up at the ceiling avoiding eye contact. 

"So Remy told me you've never taken omega medications. Is this true?" 

"Uh… yeah?" Anxiety answers his face taking on a pink hue. 

"Okay I'll go over a brief explanation of what types of medications are available to you. Starting with scent blockers. Scent blockers will effectively give you the scent of a beta, as a way of hiding your secondary gender." 

Logan's wolf whines inside his head at the prospect of that scent being covered up. He ignores his stupid caveman instincts. 

"Secondly, heat suppressors will effectively dampen your heat to a level where you will not experience any of the symptoms of heat. And thirdly-" Anxiety interrupts him. 

"Wait. You're telling me… I won't have to go through heat? Like at all? Is it permanent?" 

Logan clears his throat. 

"Your body will still take on some of the aspects of heat such as the womb opening during that time, but the medication will prevent the hormones that affect your brain and body from releasing. Effectively keeping you from experiencing any of the symptoms of heat. And no it is not permanent, if you decide you want to experience your heat…" Logan clears his throat. "You can stop taking the pills." 

"And thirdly birth control which will keep you from becoming pregnant if that is not what you wish." 

Logan feels a range of different emotions at the prospect of this omega becoming pregnant. Why is he experiencing such complex emotions in relation to Anxiety? He assumes it's likely because subconsciously he knows he's nearing the age where most alphas have found their mate and are settling down to have a family. 

"Okay, uh could I uh… heat suppressors. Yeah." Anxiety says, voice so soft that he sounds almost as if he's telling Logan a secret he hopes no one overhears. 

"Of course. When was your last heat cycle?" 

"Maybe a couple months ago? I don't really know." 

"Okay." Logan jots that down in Anxiety files along with the name of the medication he's prescribed. Then he gets up and retrieves a bottle of pills from the cabinet and hands it to Anxiety. 

Anxiety takes the medication and stands up making eye contact with Logan for the first time since he entered the small office. The man attempts a smile but it ends up looking more like a grimace before he walks out the door and starts up a conversation with Remy. 

Logan can hear their voices getting quieter and quieter before they disappear from his hearing range. 

A few moments later Roman strolls into the room. 

"So what did count woe-laf want?" Roman snickers to himself for a moment at the nickname. 

"Doctor-patient confidentiality Roman." 

The prince-like man groans loudly before draping himself against the wall like a damsel in distress. 

The corners of Logan's mouth upturn and he is suddenly struck with a wave of fondness for the man. 

He stands and wraps Roman in his arms laying a gentle kiss on his temple. Roman might be a bit eccentric at times, and Logan doesn't always understand it at times but he learned a long time ago that you don't always have to understand something in order to adore it. 

"I love you." He whispers against the soft skin there. 

Roman lets out a soft chuckle. 

"Love you too, calculator watch." 

_____________________________________

_shake it out,_

_And it's hard to dance with_

_the devil on your back_

_So shake him off_

_____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooo. Yeah that happened. Talked a lot about omega biology in this chapter which was interesting. One of the main reasons why some of this stuff doesnt really get mentioned in the earlier chapters is because Anxiety doesnt really see anything wrong with it so why would he mention it? I really wanted to talk about sexism for omegas in this fanfic but didnt exactly know how I wanted to go about it but there it is a little bit. Also I just adore Remy trying his best to comfort Anxiety through all the shit that's been going on with him in the only way he knows how which is makeovers. I've had a couple friends who are a lot like Remy. Anyway the song in this chapter is shake it out by Florence + the machine. Also we're at like 16000 words which is so cool.


	10. Where's my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh thank God. I'm so very very sorry Anxiety. If it weren't for me you'd be fine right now. I shouldn't have acted like such a child." 
> 
> Anxiety let's him go on for a minute before he uses his free hand to wipe away one of Roman's tears. 
> 
> The man is speechless. 
> 
> "Chill man, you're forgiven." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So theres going to be some attempted rape/non-con in this chapter. I have it marked by (bold sentences) so you'll know where it is if you would like to skip over it.

_____________________________________

_ Cold bones _

_ Yeah, that's my love _

_ He hides away, like a ghost _

_ Does he know that we bleed the same? _

_ Don't wanna cry, but I break that way _

_____________________________________

Roman huffs in annoyance. 

"Look, I'm all for the little twerp having a babysitter but I don't understand why I have to do it." Roman complains to the two men who are brushing their teeth in the bathroom. 

"Because Thomas doesn't feel safe leaving him in the care of people he doesn't know very well and he also doesn't feel safe leaving Anxiety unattended." Logan responds. 

"Yeah okay I understand that part but why me?" 

"Because Remy, Patton, and I have to work today." 

"Look on the bright side, Roman. This will give you the chance to see he's not nearly as awful as you think he is." Patton says softly.

"He made you cry, Pat. And don't even try to say that was your fault. All you were trying to do was help him and he… he hurt you." 

Patton doesn't respond, just throws his cardigan over his shoulders and heads downstairs. Roman rises from the bed and trails after him.

Soon enough his boyfriends were kissing him goodbye and walking out the front door and going to their jobs. Logan going to the healer's and Patton going to the school. 

Roman climbed the stairs and started getting ready for what was sure to be a very frustrating day.

He had just finished getting dressed when there was a knock at the door. He groaned and walked slowly on his way to answering it. Hoping that if he just waited long enough Anxiety would just go away. 

When he opened the door sure enough there on his front porch was the human personification of a dark and stormy night. 

"Now remember Girl, if you end up killing him don't call me to help hide the body. I hate mess." Remy called from where he was sat atop a horse. Anxiety turned and gave Remy the middle finger salute. 

Roman felt confused about the fond smile that rested on Anxiety's lips, he had assumed that Dr.doom and gloom wasn't capable of smiling. 

Anxiety turned back around to face Roman and the look was immediately replaced with a look of contempt. 

Roman opens the door further to let the man inside. 

He shuffles in on his crutches and makes his way over to the couch before flopping unceremoniously onto it. Roman feels a pang of annoyance at the fact that Anxiety couldn't even be bothered to ask if he was allowed to sit there. 

"So, what are we doing today?" The man asks. 

Roman doesn't answer, instead he sits in Patton's arm chair and opens the book his other boyfriend had left on the coffee table last night. 

"Oh so we're ignoring me and throwing a tantrum today?" 

Roman has at least twenty insults on his tongue but instead he chokes them down. If he's just trying to get a rise out of him, it wont work. 

Anxiety sits there for three chapters of this being as hell book about astrology and doesn't say a word. 

"Still not talking to me?" Anxiety asks. 

Roman peers over the book to see a visibly shaking Anxiety.

_ Comfort him. Do something, he needs you. Please.  _ His wolf, Royal pleads to him.

It's perplexing. The omega pheromones must be playing with his instincts. 

He looks back down at the book. 

Time passing like that, silence except for the jittery tapping of Anxiety's feet. God, he can see where the omega got his name. 

Royal howls angrily at him, he ignores both his wolf and the man placed on his couch. 

Anxiety stands up catching Roman's attention. 

"Well this has been fun, except it hasn't so I'm just gonna leave." And with that the man hobbles out the front door. Roman knows he should stop him or at least walk him home but he's too stubborn to call out for Anxiety to wait so instead he gets up and makes himself lunch. 

_____________________________________

Anxiety burns with anger and sadness. The deafening silence still sits inside his bones like poison. 

It wasn't his idea to have a babysitter. That came directly from the Sol leader. Of course having his soulmates babysit him was Remy's idea but that doesn't change the fact that Roman shouldn't be taking his aggravation with the situation out on him. 

Anxiety sighs angrily as he turns down an alleyway. It's Roman's fault he's lost. 

He gets to the end of the alleyway before he realizes it's a dead end. He turns around and is met with three alphas. Their scents are practically toxic with the smell of booze and anger. 

"We don't want any  _ lunatics  _ here." One man says as he throws the first punch, clocking Anxiety right in the eye. 

_____________________________________

_ I am searching high _

_ I'm searching low in the night _

_ Does he know that we bleed the same? _

_ Don't wanna cry, but I break that way _

_ Did he run away? I don't know _

_ If he ran away, come back home _

_ Just come home _

_____________________________________

Patton hears shouting coming from inside the house. He looks over at Logan before he opens the door. He expects to find Roman and Anxiety screaming at each other. He's surprised instead to see a very pissed off Remy standing in their living room. 

"What the fuck do you mean he just left? You just let him walk out of here? What the fuck Roman." Remy screeches at Roman. 

"I don't know why you're so mad, he's probably at your house waiting for you." 

"I've already been to my house, he's not there, asshole. He doesn't know how to get to my house, he's only fucking seen town once. He's probably fucking lost somewhere." Remy yells, he looks as if he's three seconds away from punching Roman in the face. Patton decides now would be a good time to step in. 

"Okay, kiddo, why don't we go looking for him okay?" Patton says to Remy. 

They agree and all head in different directions. 

The sun is setting over the treeline in the distance when he hears it. 

A scream from a couple blocks up. 

Patton runs as fast as he can and turns down an alleyway. 

**(Rape/non-con attempt, If this is triggering for you skip to where you see other bold sentence.)**

  
  
  


He can see a hunched figure sitting on top of another person. Another man is holding down the one on the ground's arms. Another alpha is just standing there watching with his hand in his pants. 

The man reaches down and tries to pull down the man on the grounds pants. 

Patton can feel the terror coming off the small omega. 

"Get off of me!" Patton recognizes that voice. That's….oh God. Anxiety. Patton searches frantically for a weapon. He finds an abandoned crutch of the ground and swings it at the guy on top of Anxiety.

The man falls over. And his friends take off out of the alleyway, the man scrambling to follow them. 

  
  
  
  


**(Start reading again.)**

Patton looks down at Anxiety whose gaze looks around frantically before landing on Patton. 

"Patton?" He breathes a sigh of relief. 

Anxiety shifts and his face moves into the light. 

Patton gasps. 

There's blood coming down from Anxiety's hairline and intense swelling around his left eye. 

"Can I touch you?" Patton asks. 

"Please, I can't get up." 

Patton reaches down and pulls the man to his feet. Anxiety sways. 

"I'm gonna have to carry you to the hospital, okay?" 

"No no no hospital, okay. I just want to go home." 

"Okay, how about I take you to my house and Logan can take a look at you." 

"No, don't want to go back there either, Roman hates me." 

Anxiety doesn't resist when Patton picks him up bridal style. The omega is small so he weighs next to nothing. 

"Roman doesn't hate you. He just doesn't know you yet." 

Anxiety buries his head in the crook of Patton's neck and inhales deeply. 

Patton doesn't have an explanation for the sense of fulfillment he gets as the omega takes comfort from his scent. 

"Do you hate me? You should hate me. If I were you I'd hate me. Hell I don't even have to be you to hate me. Fuck." Anxiety laughs cruelly toward himself. 

"I don't hate you Kiddo." 

"Why? I was so mean to you." 

"I pushed you, we were both in the wrong that day. That doesn't mean I don't still want to be your friend." 

Patton allows himself to breathe in the omega's scent. His wolf seems content that his omega is safe in his arms. Wait what? His? 

Patton shakes his head and brushes that thought away. 

Anxiety falls asleep on Patton's shoulder. 

_____________________________________

Anxiety wakes to the feeling of someone holding his hand. When he manages to open his eyes he's greeted by the sight of Roman clutching his hand desperately and crying. 

Roman catches his eyes. 

"Oh thank God. I'm so very very sorry Anxiety. If it weren't for me you'd be fine right now. I shouldn't have acted like such a child." 

Anxiety let's him go on for a minute before he uses his free hand to wipe away one of Roman's tears. 

The man is speechless. 

"Chill man, you're forgiven." 

_____________________________________

_ I got a fear _

_ Oh, in my blood _

_ He was carried up _

_ Into the clouds, high above _

_ If you've bled, I bleed the same _

_ If you're scared, I'm on my way _

____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and I'm okay. Thank you so so much. It was so unbelievably nice to get out and see all the support I got from you guys. It's very helpful and i appreciate it so much. You guys are truly amazing and i dont know what I'm gonna do without you guys when this fanfic is over. I'm feeling a lot better now and my mental health is at an all time high. The place I was in was amazing and super helpful. Now please, make sure you take care of yourselves and remember you are so very important. I love and care about you guys. Now onto the chapter, the song in this chapter was where's my love by SYML. I'm thinking bout drawing fan art for this fanfic. If I do I'll put it on my tumblr account probably. Do you think I should draw fanart for this?


	11. Love like you

_____________________________________

_If I could begin to be_

_Half of what you think of me_

_I could do about anything_

_I could even learn how to love_

_____________________________________

Anxiety's nose is filled with the scent of home. More accurately he can smell Deceits scent. 

He looks around. He isn't in Sol. Instead he is sitting back in his bedroom back in Luna. 

He traces his fingers on the wooden bedframe.

He must be dreaming. He catches another scent as he moves a pillow. Remus. His skin crawls at the implication. 

The other omega has been sleeping in _his_ bed. 

He hears footsteps coming down the hallway towards their bedroom. 

There's a soft knock at the door. His heart flutters at who he knows is on the other side. He should be angry. Yet he isn't. Why does it matter, it's his dream after all. God does he miss having someone he really knows around. 

Without thinking about it he goes to the door and opens it. 

There he is. Deceit breathes a sigh of relief as his gaze lands on Anxiety. 

Suddenly Anxiety is wrapped in Deceit's arms. 

Anxiety hates the way the feeling of safety settles like a weight in his heart as he buries his head into the crook of Dee's shoulder. 

"I was so worried, I thought you were dead, Anxiety." Deceit hisses into his ear. 

The snake eyed man looks down at Anxiety's leg. 

"What the fuck happened to you. You're hurt. I'll kill whoever dared to hurt you." A finger runs gently over the black eye he got in that alleyway. Anxiety hates the tear that trails down his cheek. 

"I'm okay Dee. Seriously. How are you here? Is this even real." 

"Yes of course it's real." He lets out a little chuckle and sweeps Anxiety's hair out of his face, laying a gentle kiss against the skin above his eyebrow. 

This used to make Anxiety feel like his chest was full of butterflies but now it twists a ball of nausea into his stomach. Patton, Logan, and even Roman's faces flash in his mind. Why does he feel as if he's betraying them even though he isn't even with them?

"Babe, I need you to tell me where you are. So I can bring you home." 

A pang of sadness filters through him at the thought of leaving Sol behind so soon. Of course he doesn't really want to be here after everything that's happened. But he doesn't want to leave Remy, Patton, Logan, or Roman. 

So instead he changes the subject. 

"How are you doing this? Your spark doesn't let you influence thoughts." Anxiety asks. 

Deceit doesn't answer. 

Deceits spark allows him to shape shift, but Anxiety does know of someone who can influence other people's thoughts. Remus. 

"You are actually unbelievable. Ya know I was actually starting to forgive you." 

"Anxiety, don't be like that I just needed his help to find you." Deceit sounds annoyed as he refuses to make eye contact with Anxiety. 

Anxiety walks to the bed and picks up the pillow that smells like remus and chucks it at Deceit. 

"Then why does _our_ bed have _his_ scent all over it?" 

It's quiet for a long time. 

Deceit sighs. 

"He… I… well, he's my mate." 

"How long have you known?" Anxiety is so mad he can barely speak, he's shakinging with rage. 

"Anxiety that doesn't matter-" Deceit is interrupted. 

"H͙̼̦o̢͓̺w͎͓ l̢͍̦o͉͎̞n̡̼̻g̼̫̞ h͓͕̼a̼̞̦v̝͖̼e̢͚ y̞̺͖o͚͔͇u̠̘̝ k̻̘͍n͓̫̼o͓̪̘w͙͎̞n̠͇?" Anxiety screams at him. 

"After his first heat while here." Guilt and shame drop like poison from his tone of voice. 

The wind feels like it's been knocked out of Anxiety's chest. His knees give out and he crumples to the floor in a lifeless heap. That was only a week after Remus arrived. Deceit had been lying to him since they were children. 

This whole time.

"Get out." 

"Babe please-" 

"Get. Out. Of. M̸͕̦͆͐͒y̵͇̪̫̐̈́̾.̸̠̻̪̽̓̔ H̵̢̙͇͆e̸͔̼͍̔̈́̈́a̸͔͙̼̔̽̿d̸͙̠̘̚͝.̵͝. " 

He feels a hand on his shoulder and suddenly the bedroom in Luna fades away. He wakes up in Remy's spare bedroom with Patton shaking him awake. 

"Hey kiddo, it's time to wake up." 

_____________________________________

  
  


_Look at you go_

_I just adore you_

_I wish that I knew_

_What makes you think I'm so special_

_______________________________________

Patton watches as tears form in Anxiety's eyes and soon Anxiety is full blown sobbing. Quickly wraps him into his arms and the omega holds on so tightly it's as if Patton is the only thing keeping him afloat. 

Burying his head into the crook of Patton's neck, right next to the scent glands. 

"It's alright Kiddo, it was only a nightmare." 

"It wasn't, it was real." 

"Well, what do you mean by that?" 

"It was Deceit, he was using Remus to get into my head." 

"Slow down kiddo, who is Deceit?" 

Anxiety looks into the eyes of the man who saved him from being raped and it's like a dam breaks inside of him. 

"Deceits my boyfrien- I mean my ex-boyfriend, he cheated on me with this guy named Remus and now they're trying to get me to come back and he lied to me. He used Remus to get to me." 

Patton tries to ignore the jealousy that sparks in his chest as he imagines another man touching what his heart believes is his. 

"He lied to me for years, he's been cheating on me for literal years." Anxiety yells through his tears. 

"So your mate cheated on you?" 

"No he's not my mate. My uh, my mate rejected me." Anxiety finishes his sentence with a self deprecating chuckle. 

Patton is angry that anyone would reject Anxiety. Who could say no to such an amazing strong person. Look at all he's been through while he was here, the bear trap and the alleyway. Yet he survived both times. Who in their right mind would reject him. 

Patton thinks back on the first time he met Anxiety. And realization sparks like fire in him. 

Why did he come back the second time, or the third time. Why was he so sad the first day they met. Patton thinks about how possesive he's felt over the small man in front of him. And for the first time it all makes sense. 

The stupid alpha that rejected Anxiety. Was him. Him and his boyfriends. 

"Uh. Anxiety… can I ask you a question?" 

"Uh sure?" 

"Are you our mate?" 

"What?" 

_____________________________________

_I always thought I might be bad_

_Now I'm sure that it's true_

_'Cause I think you're so good_

_And I'm nothing like you_

_____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there might be a lot of mistakes in this chapter because my hands are really shaky today which makes it hard to type. So I drew fanart for it which is on my tumblr @the-gentle-art-of-making-enemies 
> 
> I tried my best but like I said shaky hands. The song in this is love like you from steven universe.


	12. One grain of sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you our mate?" Patton asks again this time he stands up and paces a little around the room, the old floorboards creaking with each step he takes. 
> 
> Anxiety doesn't know what to say. His brain freezes up. How does he know? Was he that obvious? 

_____________________________________

_ What do I say? What do I do? _

_ To show all the ways my heart is slowly shattering for you _

_ What do I say? What do I do? _

_____________________________________

  
  


"Uh. Anxiety… can I ask you a question?" 

"Uh sure?" 

"Are you our mate?" 

"What?" 

"Are you our mate?" Patton asks again this time he stands up and paces a little around the room, the old floorboards creaking with each step he takes. 

Anxiety doesn't know what to say. His brain freezes up. How does he know? Was he that obvious? 

"No, of course not." Anxiety says he hopes the lie isn't obvious, but he can feel his face heating up. 

Patton looks over at him with a blank face. 

"Why are you lying, Anxiety?" Patton asks softly. 

Anxiety feels like a noose is slowly tightening around his throat and he can feel his own face heating up. His hands drag his blanket up around his chin. 

This is it. It's all over. Patton knows. And he's gonna tell Logan and Roman. And they're probably gonna hate him even more than they already did. They'll Send him home. They'll be disgusted. 

He feels like screaming, God why can't he just catch a break. 

He wants to tell Patton he's not lying, but all that comes out when he tries is a sob. He doesn't even know when he started crying. 

"Oh kiddo." 

And suddenly Patton is crossing the room and wrapping him in strong arms, holding him as if he were precious. Not a normal hug either, but the type that makes you feel like you've been saved just by being in their arms. Anxiety melts. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. You deserve so much better. I'm just a monster and you deserve better than me." Anxiety practically screams it in-between sobs against Patton's shoulder. 

He hears Patton take in a deep breath and loosens his hold on Anxiety. 

Anxiety winces knowing this is the part where Patton pushes him away. 

Instead Patton wraps his hand around Anxiety's cheek, gentle in a way Deceit's hands had never been. 

"You are not a monster, and you are probably one of the most amazing people I have ever met Anxiety. Any of us would be lucky to have you as our mate, okay?" 

Anxiety is looking up into Patton's kind and honest eyes and all he wants….

"Can I kiss you?" Anxiety asks, surprising himself. Patton doesn't answer, for a moment Anxiety is afraid he fucked everything up. Then Patton is leaning down and placing a kiss against Anxiety's lips. 

It's soft and sweet in a way that suits Patton. Anxiety thinks he could get lost in it. 

"Please don't tell Logan and Roman." Anxiety says when they break apart. 

"What?" Patton asks.

"Please don't tell them I'm their mate." 

"Kiddo, you're asking me to lie. I can't lie to my boyfriends." 

"I'm not asking you to lie, I'm asking you to not tell them. I just… let me tell them myself." 

"Okay, but if you don't tell them within a week I'm telling them." 

"Okay." Anxiety says. 

Oh great now he has only a few days to gain the courage to tell this big secret he's been keeping in for years. 

_____________________________________

_ You have faded my reality like leaves that turn to dust _

_ Fell asleep inside a fantasy and woke up feeling lost _

_ Now I'm terrified and restless but I just cannot escape _

_ I wish you had words to cool this fever that is killing me _

_____________________________________

"You're my mate." Anxiety says while looking intently at the river by his feet. 

"What?" Roman asks.

"You're my mate, you, Patton, and Logan." 

"You've got to be kidding me." Roman laughs cynically. 

"I'm serious?" Anxiety says quietly. 

"Well, you're wrong." Roman says matter of fact. 

"What do you mean I'm wrong? How could I be wrong." 

"You just have to be wrong. No way, my mate isn't…" he pauses and gestures wildly toward Anxiety.

"What… your mate can't be what Roman? A monster like me?" Anxiety is pissed.

Roman sighs but says nothing, the  _ yes  _ hangs unspoken between them like a dark ominous cloud. 

How could Anxiety be so stupid? How could he actually believe for one second he could actually have them. How could he forget he's just a monster no one could ever love. 

Anxiety sighs, his breathing is shaky from tears he's trying to hold back. 

"Okay" he says to his mate. He sounds defeated even to his own ears. He watches disinterested as a tear falls dramatically down Roman's cheek. He wonders why he's crying. 

Anxiety gets up and walks. 

Roman tries to call out for him but anxiety isn't listening anymore. He's heard everything he needs to know. 

He hobbles on his crutches into the woods. 

Night time passes but he keeps walking. 

And eventually he stumbles through familiar gates of Luna and falls face first into the dirt. 

_____________________________________

_ I don't wanna hold you if you wanna go _

_ And I'm not gonna make you feel love if you don't _

_ I would rather learn what it feels like to burn than feel nothing at all _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's really short but it's good enough in my opinion. The song in this chapter is one grain of sand by ron pope.


	13. I know I'm a wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up surrounded by the familiar scent of home, in his own bed for the first time in over a week. He tries not to think about what happened in this bed.

**_____________________________________**

_Dear rabbit, my legs are getting weak chasing you_

_The snow fields wouldn't seem so big if you knew_

_That this blood on my teeth it is far beyond dry_

_And I've captured you once but I wasn't quite right_

_So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me._

_____________________________________

He wakes up surrounded by the familiar scent of home, in his own bed for the first time in over a week. He tries not to think about what happened in this bed.

He moves his gaze to his left and notices his crutches propped up next to the bed frame. 

He grabs them and hobbles out of the bedroom. He goes down the hallway and notices Deceit asleep on the couch. 

"Dee?" 

Deceit gasps awake and looks frantically around the room until his eyes land on Anxiety. 

"Oh thank God. Where were you?" The man says before rushing over to the omega. He looks as if he's about to go in for a hug before he rethinks it and drops his arms at his sides. 

"Hey Dee. I was in Sol." Anxiety whispers, he almost wished Deceit had hugged him. Oh fuck it. Anxiety leans in and pulls the man into his arms. 

"I was so worried, they said you just walked in and collapsed. And did you walk all the way here on your leg? We already had the healer look at it." Deceit whispers into the top of Anxiety's head. 

He knows he shouldn't be hugging Deceit.

He knows better. But knowing better doesn't change the fact that he loves Deceit, just as much as he loves Patton, Logan, and even Roman. 

"You lied to me for years." Anxiety says softly against Deceits chest. 

"Why?" Anxiety asks. 

"I… I don't have a good explanation. All I've got is an apology. I'm so very sorry Anxiety." 

"You could have told me he was your mate." 

"Oh really, and you would have stayed with me?" Cynicism drips from Deceits tone. 

"I don't know what I would have done. You never gave me a chance to find out." Anxiety says anger evident in his voice, backing out of the hug. 

Deceit stays silent looking anywhere but Anxiety. 

"We're done, we've been done since I walked in that day." 

Anxiety turns to leave. 

Suddenly a hand is on his wrist pulling him back and up against Deceits chest. 

"Let go of me Deceit." 

"No. I listened to you now you're going to stop acting like a bitch and you're going to listen to me." 

Anxiety tries to fight his way out of Deceits hold but the grip on his wrist gets tighter. 

"You are not going to leave me. You're not even going to leave this house." 

"I beg to differ." Anxiety says defiantly. 

"No. That's fantasy Anxiety. You think you're gonna leave and do what? Get your own house? Live on your own?" 

"Yeah I am." 

Deceit laughs like it was the funniest joke Anxiety has ever told. 

"Oh please, you're just a weak little omega bitch who can't even get a job. You wouldn't survive five minutes on your own." 

Anxiety almost believes him, a month ago he would have believed him no question. But now he knows Remy, a strong omega who lives on his own and has a job. Being an omega doesn't make him weak. Being complacent to an alpha makes him weak. He could go back to Sol, they'd allow him to get a job there. 

"You're wrong. I'll be just fine on my own." 

"Oh and I bet your planning on going back to Sol, right? Back to _your mates._ They'll never love you. They don't want you there. You are just a monster. That's all you'll ever be." 

He thinks about Patton, Logan, and Roman.

"I'm the only one capable of loving a monster like you." Deceit whispers against his temple as he loosens his grip. 

"You're wrong! I'm not a monster, Deceit, you are! And I'm leaving." 

Anxiety pushes away from Deceit and runs to the door. He turns the handle and then Deceit is grabbing him and dragging him back. 

Deceit pushes him into a room and Anxiety hears a lock click into place on the other side of the door. 

Anxiety frantically tries to open the door but it won't budge. 

"I'm sorry baby, but I can't let you leave." Deceit says through the door.

_____________________________________

  
  


_Oh rabbit, my claws are dull now so don't be afraid_

_I could keep you warm as long as you can just try to be brave_

_Yes I know I'm a wolf and I've been known to bite_

_But the rest of my pack, I have left them behind_

_______________________________________

Time passes like that. Trapped in the guest room of his own house. 

The door creaks open and Deceit is standing there. 

"Dinner time." He announces. 

Anxiety follows him, waiting for the opportunity to run. 

Deceit leads him to the dining room where food is set out on plates at the table. They both take seats across from each other. 

"Why are you doing this, Deceit?" 

"You want me to cut the crap and tell you the truth?" 

"Obviously." Anxiety growls out. 

"Well, to put it plainly, Remus is infertile. I need to have a child to pass the leadership role onto. You were just the easiest target." 

Anxiety feels nauseous. 

"Plus your spark will be very useful for my child." 

"What the fuck." 

"You really made it too easy, you were always following me around as a kid. All I had to do was make you fall in love with me, which wasn't hard. All I had to do was show you even the smallest courtesy. Pathetic really." 

Deceit starts laughing and Anxiety decides now is as good a time as any. He stands up and sprints as fast as he can on his damaged leg to the door. 

It's not fast enough. Deceit catches him and he screams. 

"Let go of me!" 

Deceit starts to drag him back towards the room. 

"Oh honey, he said let go of him." Anxiety recognizes that voice. 

He looks up and there in the doorway is Remy. 

"Are you stupid? He said let go." 

Three silhouettes scurry in behind him. 

The light shifts and Logan, Patton, and Roman are illuminated. 

Roman pulls out his sword and holds it to Deceits throat. 

Deceit let's go and Anxiety runs and holds on to Patton for dear life. 

"We're leaving now, and you aren't going to follow." Roman says. 

With that they back out of the room and get into Remy's cart. 

_____________________________________

_my teeth may be sharp and I've been raised to kill_

_But the thought of fresh meat, it is making me ill_

_So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me._

_So rabbit please stop looking the other way_

_It's cold out there so why not stay here_

_Under my tail._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is called I know I'm a wolf by young heretics. So I kinda hate this chapter I think it's very not good but I wanted to post it anyway cause yeah.


	14. Not a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short PSA and like a question.

**Hey there, so this work is currently on hiatus. I'm so sorry! I do plan on continuing writing this I promise.**

**So I had idea, would any of you be interested in joining a group chat I'm creating? I'm currently in dire need of friends and I think it would be fun to make a group chat of sander sides fans. The group chat would be on tumblr, and all you would have to do is comment on my post there and I'll add you to the group. So yeah… my tumblr is**

**@the-gentle-art-of-making-enemies.**


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